"Abbott's Admonitions:\n\t1) If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.\n\t2) If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question."
"Abrams's Advice:\n\tWhen eating an elephant, take one bite at a time."
"Rule of Accuracy:\n\tWhen working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you\n\tknow the answer.\n   Corollary:\n\tProvided, of course, that you know there is a problem."
"Acheson's Rule of the Bureaucracy:\n\tA memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the\n\twriter."
"Acton's Law:\n\tPower tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely."
"Ade's Law:\n\tAnybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry."
"Airplane Law:\n\tWhen the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is\n\ton time."
"Albrecht's Law:\n\tSocial innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well being."
"Algren's Precepts:\n\tNever eat at a place called Mom's.  Never play cards with a man named\n\tDoc.  And never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you."
"Allen's Law of Civilization:\n\tIt is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be\n\tcoming up it."
"Agnes Allen's Law:\n\tAlmost anything is easier to get into than out of."
"Fred Allen's Motto:\n\tI'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy."
"Alley's Axiom:\n\tJustice always prevails . . . three times out of seven."
"Alligator Allegory:\n\tThe objective of all dedicated product support employees should be to\n\tthoroughly analyze all situations, anticipate all problems prior to\n\ttheir occurrence, have answers for these problems, and move swiftly to\n\tsolve these problems when called upon.  However, when you are up to your\n\tass in alligators, it is difficult to remind yourself that your initial\n\tobjective was to drain the swamp."
"Allison's Precept:\n\tThe best simple-minded test of experience in a particular area is the\n\tability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that\n\tarea."
"Anderson's Law:\n\tI have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you\n\tlooked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated."
"Andrews's Canoeing Postulate:\n\tNo matter which direction you start it's always against the wind coming\n\tback."
"Law of Annoyance:\n\tWhen working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain\n\tyou're finished with, you will need it instantly."
"Anthony's Law of Force:\n\tDon't force it, get a larger hammer."
"Anthony's Law of the Workshop:\n\tAny tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of\n\tthe workshop.\n   Corollary:\n\tOn the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your\n\ttoes."
"Laws of Applied Confusion:\n\t1) The one piece that the plant forgot to ship is the one that supports\n\t   75% of the balance of the shipment.\n   Corollary:\n\t   Not only did the plant forget to ship it, 50% of the time they\n\t   haven't even made it.\n\t2) Truck deliveries that normally take one day will take five when you\n\t   are waiting for the truck.\n\t3) After adding two weeks to the schedule for unexpected delays, add two\n\t   more for the unexpected, unexpected delays.\n\t4) In any structure, pick out the one piece that should not be mismarked\n\t   and expect the plant to cross you up.\n   Corollaries:\n\t   1) In any group of pieces with the same erection mark on it, one\n\t      should not have that mark on it.\n\t   2) It will not be discovered until you try to put it where the mark\n\t      says it's supposed to go.\n\t   3) Never argue with the fabricating plant about an error.  The\n\t      inspection prints are all checked off, even to the holes that\n\t      aren't there."
"Approval Seeker's Law:\n\tThose whose approval you seek the most give you the least."
"The Aquinas Axiom:\n\tWhat the gods get away with, the cows don't."
"Army Axiom:\n\tAny order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood."
"Army Law:\n\tIf it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't\n\tpick it up, paint it."
"Ashley-Perry Statistical Axioms:\n\t1) Numbers are tools, not rules.\n\t2) Numbers are symbols for things; the number and the thing are not the\n\t   same.\n\t3) Skill in manipulating numbers is a talent, not evidence of divine\n\t   guidance.\n\t4) Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method\n\t   has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods\n\t   from nonpractitioners.\n\t5) The product of an arithmetical computation is the answer to an\n\t   equation; it is not the solution to a problem.\n\t6) Arithmetical proofs of theorems that do not have arithmetical bases\n\t   prove nothing."
"Astrology Law:\n\tIt's always the wrong time of the month."
"Fourteenth Corollary of Atwood's General Law of Dynamic Negatives:\n\tNo books are lost by loaning except those you particularly wanted to\n\tkeep."
"Avery's Rule of Three:\n\tTrouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house\n\tthe next job after a series of three is not the fourth job -- it's the\n\tstart of a brand new series of three."
"Babcock's Law:\n\tIf it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you\n\twill break it."
"Baer's Quartet:\n\tWhat's good politics is bad economics; what's bad politics is good\n\teconomics; what's good economics is bad politics; what's bad economics\n\tis good politics."
"Bagdikian's Law of Editor's Speeches:\n\tThe splendor of an editor's speech and the splendor of his newspaper are\n\tinversely related to the distance between the city in which he makes his\n\tspeech and the city in which he publishes his paper."
"Baker's Byroad:\n\tWhen you are over the hill, you pick up speed."
"Baker's Law:\n\tMisery no longer loves company.  Nowadays it insists on it."
"Baldy's Law:\n\tSome of it plus the rest of it is all of it."
"Barber's Laws of Backpacking:\n\t 1) The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any loop\n\t    trail you choose to hike always comes out positive.\n\t 2) Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient\n\t    to exactly the point of most pressure.\n\t 3) The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount\n\t    of food you consume from it.  If you run out of food, the pack\n\t    weight goes on increasing anyway.\n\t 4) The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the\n\t    number of hours you have been on the trail.\n\t 5) The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly\n\t    proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to\n\t    find it.\n\t 6) The size of each of the stones in your boot is directly proportional\n\t    to the number of hours you have been on the trail.\n\t 7) The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as\n\t    twilight approaches.\n\t 8) The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the\n\t    number of hours you have been on the trail.\n\t 9) When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.\n\t10) If you take your boots off, you'll never get them back on again.\n\t11) The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to your\n\t    remaining repellant."
"Barrett's Laws of Driving:\n\t1) You can get ANYWHERE in ten minutes if you go fast enough.\n\t2) Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple\n\t   the desired restraining speed.\n\t3) The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.\n\t4) This lane ends in 500 feet."
"Barr's Comment on Domestic Tranquility:\n\tOn a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe anyone can be unhappy\n\t-- but we'll work on it."
"Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery:\n\tThe more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its\n\tsuccess."
"Baruch's Rule for Determining Old Age:\n\tOld age is always fifteen years older than I am."
"Barzun's Laws of Learning:\n\t1) The simple but difficult arts of paying attention, copying\n\t   accurately, following an argument, detecting an ambiguity or a false\n\t   inference, testing guesses by summoning up contrary instances,\n\t   organizing one's time and one's thought for study -- all these arts\n\t   -- cannot be taught in the air but only through the difficulties of a\n\t   defined subject.  They cannot be taught in one course or one year,\n\t   but must be acquired gradually in dozens of connections.\n\t2) The analogy to athletics must be pressed until all recognize that in\n\t   the exercise of Intellect those who lack the muscles, coordination,\n\t   and will power can claim no place at the training table, let alone on\n\t   the playing field."
"Forthoffer's Cynical Summary of Barzun's Laws:\n\t1) That which has not yet been taught directly can never be taught\n\t   directly.\n\t2) If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed."
"Baxter's First Law:\n\tGovernment intervention in the free market always leads to a lower\n\tnational standard of living."
"Baxter's Second Law:\n\tThe adoption of fractional gold reserves in a currency system always\n\tleads to depreciation, devaluation, demonetization and, ultimately, to\n\tcomplete destruction of that currency."
"Baxter's Third Law:\n\tIn a free market good money always drives bad money out of circulation."
"Beardsley's Warning to Lawyers:\n\tBeware of and eschew pompous prolixity."
"Beauregard's Law:\n\tWhen you're up to your nose, keep your mouth shut."
"Becker's Law:\n\tIt is much harder to find a job than to keep one."
"Beifeld's Principle:\n\tThe probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young\n\tfemale increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the\n\tcompany of (1) a date, (2) his wife, and (3) a better looking and\n\tricher male friend."
"Belle's Constant:\n\tThe ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually\n\tabout 0.6."
"Benchley's Distinction:\n\tThere are two types of people: those who divide people into two types,\n\tand those who don't."
"Benchley's Law:\n\tAnyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is\n\tsupposed to be doing at that moment."
"Berkeley's Laws:\n\t 1) The world is more complicated than most of our theories make it out\n\t    to be.\n\t 2) Ignorance is no excuse.\n\t 3) Never decide to buy something while listening to the salesman.\n\t 4) Information which is true meets a great many different tests very\n\t    well.\n\t 5) Most problems have either many answers or no answer.  Only a few\n\t    problems have a single answer.\n\t 6) An answer may be wrong, right, both, or neither.  Most answers are\n\t    partly right and partly wrong.\n\t 7) A chain of reasoning is no stronger than its weakest link.\n\t 8) A statement may be true independently of illogical reasoning.\n\t 9) Most general statements are false, including this one.\n\t10) An exception TESTS a rule; it NEVER PROVES it.\n\t11) The moment you have worked out an answer, start checking it -- it\n\t    probably isn't right.\n\t12) If there is an opportunity to make a mistake, sooner or later the\n\t    mistake will be made.\n\t13) Being sure mistakes will occur is a good frame of mind for catching\n\t    them.\n\t14) Check the answer you have worked out once more -- before you tell it\n\t    to anybody.\n\t15) Estimating a figure may be enough to catch an error.\n\t16) Figures calculated in a rush are very hot; they should be allowed to\n\t    cool off a little before being used; thus we will have a reasonable\n\t    time to think about the figures and catch mistakes.\n\t17) A great many problems do not have accurate answers, but do have\n\t    approximate answers, from which sensible decisions can be made."
"Berra's Law:\n\tYou can observe a lot just by watching."
"Berson's Corollary of Inverse Distances:\n\tThe farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer the\n\tspace vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door."
"Bicycle Law:\n\tAll bicycles weigh 50 pounds:\n\t     A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain.\n\t     A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain.\n\t     A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock or chain."
"First Law of Bicycling:\n\tNo matter which way you ride it's uphill and against the wind."
"The Billings Phenomenon:\n\tThe conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious."
"Billings's Law:\n\tLive within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so."
"Blaauw's Law:\n\tEstablished technology tends to persist in spite of new technology."
"Blanchard's Newspaper Obituary Law:\n\tIf you want your name spelled wrong, die."
"Bok's Law:\n\tIf you think education is expensive -- try ignorance."
"Boling's Postulate:\n\tIf you're feeling good, don't worry.  You'll get over it."
"Bolton's Law of Ascending Budgets:\n\tUnder current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise to meet\n\teach other, no matter which one may be in excess."
"Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:\n\tNever go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
"Bonafede's Revelation:\n\tThe conventional wisdom is that power is an aphrodisiac.  In truth, it's\n\texhausting."
"Boob's Law:\n\tYou always find something the last place you look."
"Booker's Law:\n\tAn ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction."
"Boozer's Revision:\n\tA bird in the hand is dead."
"Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy:\n\t1) When in doubt, mumble.\n\t2) When in trouble, delegate.\n\t3) When in charge, ponder."
"Borkowski's Law:\n\tYou can't guard against the arbitrary."
"Borstelmann's Rule:\n\tIf everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong\n\tlane."
"Boston's Irreversible Law of Clutter:\n\tIn any household, junk accumulates to fill the space available for its\n\tstorage."
"Boultbee's Criterion:\n\tIf the converse of a statement is absurd, the original statement is an\n\tinsult to the intelligence and should never have been said."
"Boyle's Laws:\n\t 1) The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the\n\t    wrong denomination.\n\t 2) When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment\n\t    detrimentally.\n\t 3) The deficiency will never show itself during the dry runs.\n\t 4) Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.\n\t 5) An original idea can never emerge from committee in the original.\n\t 6) When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will\n\t    perform perfectly.\n\t 7) The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by the paper\n\t    clip of the overlying correspondence and go to file.\n\t 8) Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of\n\t    the contingency plan.\n\t 9) Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate\n\t    objects.\n\t10) If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he\n\t    submerges.\n\t11) The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the\n\t    area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting.\n\t12) Talent in staff work or sales will recurringly be interpreted as\n\t    managerial ability.\n\t13) The \"think positive\" leader tends to listen to his subordinates'\n\t    premonitions only during the postmortems.\n\t14) Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple\n\t    interpretations.\n\t15) On successive charts of the same organization the number of boxes\n\t    will never decrease."
"Branch's First Law of Crisis:\n\tThe spirit of public service will rise, and the bureaucracy will\n\tmultiply itself much faster, in time of grave national concern."
"First Law of Bridge:\n\tIt's always the partner's fault."
"Brien's First Law:\n\tAt some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its\n\tability to succeed in spite of itself runs out."
"Broder's Law:\n\tAnybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years\n\torganizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office."
"Brontosaurus Principle:\n\tOrganizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in\n\trelation to their environment and to their own physiology; when this\n\toccurs, they are an endangered species."
"Brooks's Law:\n\tAdding manpower to a late software project makes it later."
"Brooke's Law:\n\tWhenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers\n\tsomething which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond\n\trecognition."
"Brownian Motion Rule of Bureacracies:\n\tIt is impossible to distinguish, from a distance, whether the\n\tbureaucrats associated with your project are simply sitting on their\n\thands, or frantically trying to cover their asses.\n   Heisenberg's Addendum to Brownian Bureaucracy:\n\tIf you observe a bureaucrat closely enough to make the distinction\n\tabove, he will react to your observation by covering his ass."
"(Jerry) Brown's Law:\n\tToo often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available\n\tbriefcases."
"(Sam) Brown's Law:\n\tNever offend people with style when you can offend them with substance."
"(Tony) Brown's Law of Business Success:\n\tOur customer's paperwork is profit.  Our own paperwork is loss."
"Bruce-Briggs's Law of Traffic:\n\tAt any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable."
"Buchwald's Law:\n\tAs the economy gets better, everything else gets worse."
"Bucy's Law:\n\tNothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man."
"Bunuel's Law:\n\tOverdoing things is harmful in all cases, even when it comes to\n\tefficiency."
"Bureaucratic Cop-Out #1:\n\tYou should have seen it when *I* got it."
"Burns's Balance:\n\tIf the assumptions are wrong, the conclusions aren't likely to be very\n\tgood."
"Bustlin' Billy's Bogus Beliefs:\n\t1) The organization of any program reflects the organization of the\n\t   people who develop it.\n\t2) There is no such thing as a \"dirty capitalist\", only a capitalist.\n\t3) Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.\n\t4) Capitalism can exist in one of only two states -- welfare or warfare.\n\t5) I'd rather go whoring than warring.\n\t6) History proves nothing.\n\t7) There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.\n\t8) A little humility is arrogance.\n\t9) A lot of what appears to be progress is just so much technological\n\t   rococo."
"Butler's Law of Progress:\n\tAll progress is based on a universal innate desire on the part of every\n\torganism to live beyond its income."
"Bye's First Law of Model Railroading:\n\tAnytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is\n\tproportional to the number of viewers."
"Bye's Second Law of Model Railroading:\n\tThe desire for modeling a prototype is inversely proportional to the\n\tdecline of the prototype."
"Cahn's Axiom (Allen's Axiom):\n\tWhen all else fails, read the instructions."
"Calkin's Law of Menu Language:\n\tThe number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of\n\ta menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the resulting\n\tdish."
"John Cameron's Law:\n\tNo matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it,\n\tbecause it'll never be quite the same again."
"Camp's Law:\n\tA coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place."
"Campbell's Law:\n\tNature abhors a vacuous experimenter."
"Canada Bill Jones's Motto:\n\tIt's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money."
"Canada Bill Jones's Supplement:\n\tA Smith and Wesson beats four aces."
"Cannon's Cogent Comment:\n\tThe leak in the roof is never in the same location as the drip."
"Cavanaugh's Postulate:\n\tAll kookies are not in a jar."
"Law of Character and Appearance:\n\tPeople don't change; they only become more so."
"Checkbook Balancer's Law:\n\tIn matters of dispute, the bank's balance is always smaller than yours."
"Cheops's Law:\n\tNothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget."
"Chili Cook's Secret:\n\tIf your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of\n\tsomething left out, rather than added."
"Chisholm's First Law and Corollary: see Murphy's Third and Fifth Laws."
"Chisholm's Second Law:\n\tWhen things are going well, something will go wrong.\n   Corollaries:\n\t1) When things just can't get any worse, they will.\n\t2) Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked\n\t   something."
"Chisholm's Third Law:\n\tProposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged otherwise by\n\tothers.\n   Corollaries:\n\t1) If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody\n\t   will.\n\t2) If you do something which you are sure will meet with everyone's\n\t   approval, somebody won't like it.\n\t3) Procedures devised to implement the purpose won't quite work.\n\t4) No matter how long or how many times you explain, no one is\n\t   listening."
"The First Discovery of Christmas Morning:\n\tBatteries not included."
"Churchill's Commentary on Man:\n\tMan will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he\n\twill pick himself up and continue on as though nothing has happened."
"Ciardi's Poetry Law:\n\tWhenever in time, and wherever in the universe, any man speaks or writes\n\tin any detail about the technical management of a poem, the resulting\n\tirascibility of the reader's response is a constant."
"Clarke's First Law:\n\tWhen a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is\n\tpossible, he is almost certainly right.  When he states that something\n\tis impossible, he is very probably wrong.\n   Corollary (Asimov):\n\tWhen the lay public rallies round an idea that is denounced by\n\tdistinguished but elderly scientists, and supports that idea with great\n\tfervor and emotion -- the distinguished but elderly scientists are then,\n\tafter all, right."
"Clarke's Second Law:\n\tThe only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them\n\tinto the impossible."
"Clarke's Third Law:\n\tAny sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
"Clarke's Law of Revolutionary Ideas:\n\tEvery revolutionary idea -- in Science, Politics, Art or Whatever --\n\tevokes three stages of reaction.  They may be summed up by the three\n\tphrases:\n\t   1) \"It is completely impossible -- don't waste my time.\"\n\t   2) \"It is possible, but it is not worth doing.\"\n\t   3) \"I said it was a good idea all along.\""
"Clark's First Law of Relativity:\n\tNo matter how often you trade dinner or other invitations with in-laws,\n\tyou will lose a small fortune in the exchange.\n   Corollary:\n\tDon't try it: you cannot drink enough of your in-laws' booze to get even\n\tbefore your liver fails."
"Clark's Law:\n\tIt's always darkest just before the lights go out."
"Cleveland's Highway Law:\n\tHighways in the worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts,\n\twhich results in low priority for repair work."
"Clopton's Law:\n\tFor every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill."
"Clyde's Law:\n\tIf you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are\n\tsomeone else will do it for you."
"Cohen's Law:\n\tWhat really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts --\n\tnot the facts themselves."
"Cohen's Laws of Politics:\n   Law of Alienation:\n\tNothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a\n\twinning candidate.\n   Law of Ambition:\n\tAt any one time, thousands of borough councilmen, school board members,\n\tattorneys, and businessmen -- as well as congressmen, senators, and\n\tgovernors -- are dreaming of the White House, but few, if any of them,\n\twill make it.\n   Law of Attraction:\n\tPower attracts people but it cannot hold them.\n   Law of Competition:\n\tThe more qualified candidates who are available, the more likely the\n\tcompromise will be on the candidate whose main qualification is a\n\tnonthreatening incompetence.\n   Law of Inside Dope:\n\tThere are many inside dopes in politics and government.\n   Law of Lawmaking:\n\tThose who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often\n\tsurprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.\n   Law of Permanence:\n\tPolitical power is as permanent as today's newspaper.  Ten years from\n\tnow, few will know or care who the most powerful man in any state was\n\ttoday.\n   Law of Secrecy:\n\tThe best way to publicize a governmental or political action is to\n\tattempt to hide it.\n   Law of Wealth:\n\tVictory goes to the candidate with the most accumulated or contributed\n\twealth who has the financial resources to convince the middle class and\n\tpoor that he will be on their side.\n   Law of Wisdom:\n\tWisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise\n\tman can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without\n\twisdom."
"Cohn's Law:\n\tThe more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less\n\ttime you have to do anything.  Stability is achieved when you spend all\n\tyour time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing."
"Cole's Law:\n\tThinly sliced cabbage."
"Mr. Cole's Axiom:\n\tThe sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population\n\tis growing."
"Colson's Law:\n\tIf you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow."
"Comins's Law:\n\tPeople will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them\n\tBenjamin Franklin said it first."
"Committee Rules:\n\t1) Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.\n\t2) Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as\n\t   being wise.\n\t3) Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the others.\n\t4) When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.\n\t5) Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular --\n\t   it's what everyone is waiting for."
"Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology:\n\t1) No action is without side-effects.\n\t2) Nothing ever goes away.\n\t3) There is no free lunch."
"Law of Computability Applied to Social Science:\n\tIf at first you don't succeed, transform your data set."
"Connolly's Law of Cost Control:\n\tThe price of any product produced for a government agency will be not\n\tless than the square of the initial Firm Fixed-Price Contract."
"Connolly's Rule for Political Incumbents:\n\tShort-term success with voters on any side of a given issue can be\n\tguaranteed by creating a long-term special study commission made up of\n\tat least three divergent interest groups."
"Considine's Law:\n\tWhenever one word or letter can change the entire meaning of a sentence,\n\tthe probability of an error being made will be in direct proportion to\n\tthe embarrassment it will cause."
"Cooke's Law:\n\tIn any decisive situation, the amount of relevant information available\n\tis inversely proportional to the importance of the decision."
"Cook's Law:\n\tMuch work, much food; little work, little food; no work, burial at sea."
"Coolidge's Immutable Observation:\n\tWhen more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results."
"Cooper's Law:\n\tAll machines are amplifiers."
"Cooper's Metalaw:\n\tA proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes."
"Mr. Cooper's Law:\n\tIf you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical\n\twriting, ignore it.  The piece will make perfect sense without it."
"Corcoroni's Laws of Bus Transportation:\n\t1) The bus that left the stop just before you got there is your bus.\n\t2) The amount of time you have to wait for a bus is directly\n\t   proportional to the inclemency of the weather.\n\t3) All buses heading in the opposite direction drive off the face of the\n\t   earth and never return.\n\t4) The last rush-hour express bus to your neighborhood leaves five\n\t   minutes before you get off work.\n\t5) Bus schedules are arranged so your bus will arrive at the transfer\n\t   point precisely one minute after the connecting bus has left.\n\t6) Any bus that can be the wrong bus will be the wrong bus.  All others\n\t   are out of service or full."
"Cornuelle's Law:\n\tAuthority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them."
"Corry's Law:\n\tPaper is always strongest at the perforations."
"Courtois's Rule:\n\tIf people listened to themselves more often, they'd talk less."
"Crane's Law (Friedman's Reiteration):\n\tThere ain't no such thing as a free lunch.\t(\"tanstaafl\")"
"Mark Miller's Exception to Crane's Law:\n\tThere are no \"free lunches\", but sometimes it costs more to collect\n\tmoney than to give away food."
"Crane's Rule:\n\tThere are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire\n\tsomeone, or forbid your kids to do it."
"Cripp's Law:\n\tWhen traveling with children on one's holidays, at least one child of\n\tany number of children will request a rest room stop exactly halfway\n\tbetween any two given rest areas."
"Cropp's Law:\n\tThe amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent\n\tin the office."
"Culshaw's First Principle of Recorded Sound:\n\tAnything, no matter how bad, will sound good if played back at a very\n\thigh level for a short time."
"Cutler Webster's Law:\n\tThere are two sides to every argument unless a man is personally\n\tinvolved, in which case there is only one."
"Czecinski's Conclusion:\n\tThere is only one thing worse than dreaming you are at a conference and\n\twaking to find that you are at a conference, and that is the conference\n\twhere you can't fall asleep."
"Darrow's Observation:\n\tHistory repeats itself.  That's one of the things wrong with history."
"Darwin's Observation:\n\tNature will tell you a direct lie if she can."
"Dave's Law of Advice:\n\tThose with the best advice offer no advice."
"Dave's Rule of Street Survival:\n\tSpeak softly and own a big, mean Doberman."
"Davidson's Maxim:\n\tDemocracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the\n\tmajority deserves."
"Davis's Basic Law of Medicine:\n\tPills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes."
"Deadlock's Law:\n\tIf the law-makers make a compromise, the place where it will be felt\n\tmost is the taxpayer's pocket.\n   Corollary:\n\tThe compromise will always be more expensive than either of the\n\tsuggestions it is compromising."
"Dean's Law of the District of Columbia:\n\tWashington is a much better place if you are asking questions rather\n\tthan answering them."
"First Law of Debate:\n\tNever argue with a fool.  People might not know the difference."
"Deitz's Law of Ego:\n\tThe fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a column is in\n\tdirect ratio to the obscurity of the mentionee."
"Dennis's Principles of Management by Crisis:\n\t1) To get action out of management, it is necessary to create the\n\t   illusion of a crisis in the hope it will be acted upon.\n\t2) Management will select actions or events and convert them to crises.\n\t   It will then over-react.\n\t3) Management is incapable of recognizing a true crisis.\n\t4) The squeaky hinge gets the oil."
"Dhawan's Laws for the Non-Smoker:\n\t1) The cigarette smoke always drifts in the direction of the non-smoker\n\t   regardless of the direction of the breeze.\n\t2) The amount of pleasure derived from a cigarette is directly\n\t   proportional to the number of non-smokers in the vicinity.\n\t3) A smoker is always attracted to the non-smoking section.\n\t4) The life of a cigarette is directly proportional to the intensity of\n\t   the protests from non-smokers."
"Dieter's Law:\n\tFood that tastes the best has the highest number of calories."
"Dijkstra's Prescription for Programming Inertia:\n\tIf you don't know what your program is supposed to do, you'd better not\n\tstart writing it."
"Diogenes's First Dictum:\n\tThe more heavily a man is supposed to be taxed, the more power he has to\n\tescape being taxed."
"Diogenes's Second Dictum:\n\tIf a taxpayer thinks he can cheat safely, he probably will."
"Dirksen's Three Laws of Politics:\n\t1) Get elected.\n\t2) Get re-elected.\n\t3) Don't get mad -- get even."
"Principle of Displaced Hassle:\n\tTo beat the bureaucracy, make your problem their problem."
"Donohue's Law:\n\tAnything worth doing is worth doing for money."
"Donsen's Law:\n\tThe specialist learns more and more about less and less until, finally,\n\the knows everything about nothing; whereas the generalist learns less\n\tand less about more and more until, finally, he knows nothing about\n\teverything."
"Laws of Dormitory Life:\n\t1) The amount of trash accumulated within the space occupied is\n\t   exponentially proportional to the number of living bodies that enter\n\t   and leave within any given amount of time.\n\t2) Since no matter can be created or destroyed (excluding nuclear and\n\t   cafeteria substances), as one attempts to remove unwanted material\n\t   (i.e., trash) from one's living space, the remaining material mutates\n\t   so as to occupy 30 to 50 percent more than its original volume.\n   Corollary:\n\t   Dust breeds.\n\t3) The odds are 6:5 that if one has late classes, one's roommate will\n\t   have the EARLIEST possible classes.\n   Corollary 1:\n\t   One's roommate (who has early classes) has an alarm clock that is\n\t   louder than God's own.\n   Corollary 2:\n\t   When one has an early class, one's roommate will invariably enter the\n\t   space late at night and suddenly become hyperactive, ill, violent, or\n\t   all three."
"Douglas's Law of Practical Aeronautics:\n\tWhen the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the\n\tplane will fly."
"Dow's Law:\n\tIn a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the\n\tconfusion."
"Dror's First Law:\n\tWhile the difficulties and dangers of problems tend to increase at a\n\tgeometric rate, the knowledge and manpower qualified to deal with these\n\tproblems tend to increase linearly."
"Dror's Second Law:\n\tWhile human capacities to shape the environment, society, and human\n\tbeings are rapidly increasing, policymaking capabilities to use those\n\tcapacities remain the same."
"Dude's Law of Duality:\n\tOf two possible events, only the undesired one will occur."
"Dunne's Law:\n\tThe territory behind rhetoric is too often mined with equivocation."
"Dunn's Discovery:\n\tThe shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment\n\tone puts a little extra aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of\n\tthat emergency."
"Durant's Discovery:\n\tOne of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to\n\tdo and always a clever thing to say."
"Durrell's Parameter:\n\tThe faster the plane, the narrower the seats."
"Dyer's Law:\n\tA continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper."
"Economists' Laws:\n\t1) What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history.\n\t2) If on an actuarial basis there is a 50-50 chance that something will\n\t   go wrong, it will actually go wrong nine times out of ten."
"Edington's Theory:\n\tThe number of different hypotheses erected to explain a given biological\n\tphenomenon is inversely proportional to the available knowledge."
"Law of Editorial Correction:\n\tAnyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor\n\tdoubtless deserves the error that provoked it."
"Ehrlich's Rule:\n\tThe first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts."
"Eliot's Observation:\n\tNothing is so good as it seems beforehand."
"Ellenberg's Theory:\n\tOne good turn gets most of the blanket."
"Emerson's Insight:\n\tThat which we call sin in others is experiment for us."
"Old Engineer's Law:\n\tThe larger the project or job, the less time there is to do it."
"The \"Enough Already\" Law:\n\tThe more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets."
"Extended Epstein-Heisenberg Principle:\n\tIn an R & D orbit, only 2 of the existing 3 parameters can be defined\n\tsimultaneously.  The parameters are: task, time, and resources ($).\n\t1) If one knows what the task is, and there is a time limit allowed for\n\t   the completion of the task, then one cannot guess how much it will\n\t   cost.\n\t2) If the time and resources ($) are clearly defined, then it is\n\t   impossible to know what part of the R & D task will be performed.\n\t3) If you are given a clearly defined R & D goal and a definte amount\n\t   of money which has been calculated to be necessary for the completion\n\t   of the task, one cannot predict if and when the goal will be reached.\n\t4) If one is lucky enough to be able to accurately define all three\n\t   parameters, then what one is dealing with is not in the realm of\n\t   R & D."
"Epstein's Law:\n\tIf you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it."
"Ettorre's Observation:\n\tThe other line moves faster.\n   Corollary:\n\tDon't try to change lines.  The other line -- the one you were in\n\toriginally -- will then move faster."
"Evans's Law:\n\tNothing worth a damn is ever done as a matter of principle.  (If it is\n\tworth doing, it is done because it is worth doing.  If it is not, it's\n\tdone as a matter of principle.)"
"Evans's Law of Politics:\n\tWhen team members are finally in a position to help the team, it turns\n\tout they have quit the team."
"Evelyn's Rules for Bureaucratic Survival:\n\t1) A bureaucrat's castle is his desk . . . and parking place.  Proceed\n\t   cautiously when changing either.\n\t2) On the theory that one should never take anything for granted, follow\n\t   up on everything, but especially those items varying from the norm.\n\t   The greater the divergence from normal routine and/or the greater the\n\t   number of offices potentially involved, the better the chance a\n\t   never-to-be-discovered person will file the problem away in a drawer\n\t   specifically designed for items requiring a decision.\n\t3) Never say without qualification that your activity has sufficient\n\t   space, money, staff, etc.\n\t4) Always distrust offices not under your jurisdiction which say that\n\t   they are there to serve you.  \"Support\" offices in a bureaucracy tend\n\t   to grow in size and make demands on you out of proportion to their\n\t   service, and in the end require more effort on your part than their\n\t   service is worth.\n   Corollary:\n\t   Support organizations can always prove success by showing service to\n\t   someone . . . not necessarily you.\n\t5) Incompetents often hire able assistants."
"Everitt's Form of the Second Law of Thermodynamics:\n\tConfusion (entropy) is always increasing in society.  Only if someone or\n\tsomething works extremely hard can this confusion be reduced to order in\n\ta limited region.  Nevertheless, this effort will stil result in an\n\tincrease in the total confusion of society at large."
"Eve's Discovery:\n\tAt a bargain sale, the only suit or dress that you like best and that\n\tfits is the one not on sale.\n   Adam's Corollary:\n\tIt's easy to tell when you've got a bargain -- it doesn't fit."
"Nonreciprocal Laws of Expectations:\n\t1) Negative expectations yield negative results.\n\t2) Positive expectations yield negative results."
"First Law of Expert Advice:\n\tDon't ask the barber whether you need a haircut."
"Faber's Laws:\n\t1) If there isn't a law, there will be.\n\t2) The number of errors in any piece of writing rises in proportion to\n\t   the writer's reliance on secondary sources."
"Fairfax's Law:\n\tAny facts which, when included in the argument, give the desired result,\n\tare fair facts for the argument."
"Falkland's Rule:\n\tWhen it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make\n\ta decision."
"Farber's First Law:\n\tGive him an inch and he'll screw you."
"Farber's Second Law:\n\tA hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else."
"Farber's Third Law:\n\tWe're all going down the same road in different directions."
"Farber's Fourth Law:\n\tNecessity is the mother of strange bedfellows."
"Farrow's Finding:\n\tIf God had intended for us to go to concerts, He would have given us\n\ttickets."
"Law of Fashion:\n\tAny given dress is:  indecent 10 years before its time, daring 1 year\n\tbefore its time, chic in its time, dowdy 3 years after its time, hideous\n\t20 years after its time, amusing 30 years after its time, romantic 100\n\tyears after its time, and beautiful 150 years after its time."
"Rule of Feline Frustration:\n\tWhen your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content\n\tand adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom."
"Fetridge's Law:\n\tImportant things that are supposed to happen do not happen, especially\n\twhen people are looking."
"Fett's Law of the Lab:\n\tNever replicate a successful experiment."
"The Fifth Rule:\n\tYou have taken yourself too seriously."
"Finagle's Creed:\n\tScience is Truth.  Don't be misled by fact."
"Finagle's First Law:\n\tIf an experiment works, something has gone wrong."
"Finagle's Second Law:\n\tNo matter what result is anticipated, there will always be someone eager\n\tto (a) misinterpret it, (b) fake it, or (c) believe it happened\n\taccording to his own pet theory."
"Finagle's Third Law:\n\tIn any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all\n\tneed of checking, is the mistake.\n   Corollaries:\n\t1) No one whom you ask for help will see it.\n\t2) Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately."
"Finagle's Fourth Law:\n\tOnce a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it\n\tworse."
"Finagle's Law According to Niven:\n\tThe perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum."
"Finagle's Laws of Information:\n\t1) The information you have is not what you want.\n\t2) The information you want is not what you need.\n\t3) The information you need is not what you can obtain.\n\t4) The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay."
"Finagle's Rules:\n\tEver since the first scientific experiment, man has been plagued by the\n\tincreasing antagonism of nature.  It seems only right that nature should\n\tbe logical and neat, but experience has shown that this is not the case.\n\tA further series of rules has been formulated, designed to help man\n\taccept the pigheadedness of nature.\n\t 1) To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.\n\t 2) Always keep a record of data.  It indicates you've been working.\n\t 3) Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.\n\t 4) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.\n\t 5) Experiments should be reproducible.  They should all fail in the\n\t    same way.\n\t 6) When you don't know what you are doing, do it NEATLY.\n\t 7) Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.\n\t 8) Always verify your witchcraft.\n\t 9) Be sure to obtain meteorological data before leaving on vacation.\n\t10) Do not believe in miracles.  Rely on them."
"Fishbein's Conclusion:\n\tThe tire is only flat on the bottom."
"Fitz-Gibbon's Law:\n\tCreativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the\n\tbroth."
"Flap's Law:\n\tAny inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration,\n\tmay be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner\n\tfor reasons that are either entirely obscure or completely mysterious."
"Ford Pinto Rule:\n\tNever buy a car that has a wick."
"Fortis's Three Great Lies of Life:\n\t1) Money isn't everything.\n\t2) It's great to be a Negro.\n\t3) I'm only going to put it in a little way.\n   Three Lies According to Playboy:\n\t1) The check's in the mail.\n\t2) Anticipation is half the fun.\n\t3) I promise I won't come in your mouth.\n   Hare's Additional Lie:\n\tThis will hurt me more than it hurts you.\n   Lowry's Additional Lie:\n\tI've never done this before."
"Foster's Law:\n\tIf you cover a congressional committee on a regular basis, they will\n\treport the bill on your day off."
"Fowler's Law:\n\tIn a bureaucracy, accomplishment is inversely proportional to the volume\n\tof paper used."
"Fowler's Note:\n\tThe only imperfect thing in nature is the human race."
"Frankel's Law:\n\tWhatever happens in government could have happened differently, and it\n\tusually would have been better if it had.\n   Corollary:\n\tOnce things have happened, no matter how accidentally, they will be\n\tregarded as manifestations of an unchangeable Higher Reason."
"Franklin's Observation:\n\tHe that lives upon Hope dies farting."
"Franklin's Rule:\n\tBlessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed."
"Freeman's Law:\n\tNothing is so simple it cannot be misunderstood."
"Freemon's Rule:\n\tCircumstances can force a generalized incompetent to become competent,\n\tat least in a specialized field."
"Fried's Law:\n\tIdeas endure and prosper in inverse proportion to their soundness and\n\tvalidity."
"Laws of the Frisbee:\n\t 1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc straining to\n\t    land under a car, just beyond reach.  (The technical term for this\n\t    force is \"car suck\".)\n\t 2) The higher the quality of a catch or the comment it receives, the\n\t    greater the probability of a crummy return throw.  (\"Good catch. . .\n\t    Bad throw.\")\n\t 3) One must never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive\n\t    than, \"Watch this!\"  (Keep 'em guessing.)\n\t 4) The higher the costs of hitting any object, the greater the\n\t    certainty it will be struck.  (Remember: The disk is positive; cops\n\t    and old ladies are clearly negative.)\n\t 5) The best catches are never seen.  (\"Did you see that?\"  \"See what?\")\n\t 6) The greatest single aid to distance is for the disc to be going in a\n\t    direction you did not want.  (Wrong way = long way.)\n\t 7) The most powerful hex words in the sport are: \"I really have this\n\t    down -- watch.\"  (Know it?  Blow it!)\n\t 8) In any crowd of spectators at least one will suggest that razor\n\t    blades could be attached to the disc.  (\"You could maim and kill\n\t    with that thing.\")\n\t 9) The greater your need to make a good catch, the greater the\n\t    probability your partner will deliver his worst throw.  (If you\n\t    can't touch it, you can't trick it.)\n\t10) The single most difficult move with a disc is to put it down.\n\t    (\"Just one more!\")"
"Frisch's Law:\n\tYou cannot have a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant."
"Frothingham's Fallacy:\n\tTime is money."
"Fudd's First Law of Opposition:\n\tIf you push something hard enough, it will fall over."
"Teslacle's Deviant to Fudd's Law:\n\tIt goes in -- it must come out."
"Funkhouser's Law of the Power of the Press:\n\tThe quality of legislation passed to deal with a problem is inversely\n\tproportional to the volume of media clamor that brought it on."
"Futility Factor (Carson's Consolation):\n\tNo experiment is ever a complete failure -- it can always serve as a bad\n\texample, or the exception that proves the rule (but only if it is the\n\tfirst experiment in the series)."
"Fyffe's Axiom:\n\tThe problem-solving process will always break down at the point at which\n\tit is possible to determine who caused the problem."
"Gadarene Swine Law:\n\tMerely because the group is in formation does not mean that the group is\n\ton the right course."
"Galbraith's Law of Political Wisdom:\n\tAnyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times, definitely will."
"Galbraith's Law of Prominence:\n\tGetting on the cover of \"Time\" guarantees the existence of opposition in\n\tthe future."
"Gallois's Revelation:\n\tIf you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery.\n\tBut this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is\n\tsomehow ennobled, and no one dares to criticize it."
"Laws of Gardening:\n\t1) Other people's tools work only in other people's yards.\n\t2) Fancy gizmos don't work.\n\t3) If nobody uses it, there's a reason.\n\t4) You get the most of what you need the least."
"Gardner's Rule of Society:\n\tThe society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a\n\thumble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an\n\texalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy.\n\tNeither its pipes nor its theories will hold water."
"Gell-Mann's Dictum:\n\tWhatever isn't forbidden is required.\n   Corollary:\n\tIf there's no reason why something shouldn't exist, then it must exist."
"Law of Generalizations:\n\tAll generalizations are false."
"Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:\n\t1) An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.\n\t2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.\n\t3) The energy required to change either one of the states will always be\n\t   more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task\n\t   totally impossible."
"Getty's Reminder:\n\tThe meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights."
"Gilb's Laws of Unreliability (see also Troutman's Laws of Computer Programming):\n\t1) Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.\n   Corollary:\n\t   At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will\n\t   find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on\n\t   the computer.\n\t2) Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.\n\t3) The only difference between the fool and the criminal who attacks a\n\t   system is that the fool attacks unpredictably and on a broader front.\n\t4) A system tends to grow in terms of complexity rather than of\n\t   simplification, until the resulting unreliability becomes\n\t   intolerable.\n\t5) Self-checking systems tend to have a complexity in proportion to the\n\t   inherent unreliability of the system in which they are used.\n\t6) The error-detection and correction capabilities of any system will\n\t   serve as the key to understanding the type of errors which they\n\t   cannot handle.\n\t7) Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to\n\t   detectable errors, which by definition are limited.\n\t8) All real programs contain errors until proved otherwise -- which is\n\t   impossible.\n\t9) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable\n\t   cost of errors, or somebody insists on getting some useful work done."
"Gilmer's Motto for Political Leadership:\n\tLook over your shoulder now and then to be sure someone's following you."
"Ginsberg's Theorem (Generalized Laws of Thermodynamics):\n\t1) You can't win.\n\t2) You can't break even.\n\t3) You can't even quit the game."
"Ehrman's Commentary on Ginberg's Theorem:\n\t1) Things will get worse before they get better.\n\t2) Who said things would get better?"
"Freeman's Commentary on Ginberg's Theorem:\n\tEvery major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is\n\tbased on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem.  To wit:\n\t1) Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.\n\t2) Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.\n\t3) Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game."
"Glatum's Law of Materialistic Acquisitiveness:\n\tThe perceived usefulness of an article is inversely proportional to its\n\tactual usefulness once bought and paid for."
"Godin's Law:\n\tGeneralizedness of incompetence is directly proportional to highestness\n\tin hierarchy."
"Golden Principle:\n\tNothing will be attempted if all possible objections must first be\n\tovercome."
"The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences:\n\tWhoever has the gold makes the rules."
"(Bill) Gold's Law:\n\tA column about errors will contain errors."
"(Vic) Gold's Law:\n\tThe candidate who is expected to do well because of experience and\n\treputation (Douglas, Nixon) must do BETTER than well, while the\n\tcandidate expected to fare poorly (Lincoln, Kennedy) can put points on\n\tthe media board simply by surviving."
"Goldwyn's Law of Contracts:\n\tA verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."
"Golub's Laws of Computerdom:\n\t1) Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the embarrassment of\n\t   estimating the corresponding costs.\n\t2) A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete\n\t   than expected; a carefully planned project takes only twice as long.\n\t3) The effort requires to correct course increases geometrically with\n\t   time.\n\t4) Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly\n\t   manifests their lack of progress."
"The 19 Rules for good Riting:\n\t 1) Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.\n\t 2) Just between you and I, case is important.\n\t 3) Verbs has to agree with their subject.\n\t 4) Watch out for irregular verbs which has cropped up into our\n\t    language.\n\t 5) Don't use no double negatives.\n\t 6) A writer mustn't shift your point of view.\n\t 7) When dangling, don't use participles.\n\t 8) Join clauses good like a conjunction should.\n\t 9) And don't use conjunctions to start sentences.\n\t10) Don't use a run-on sentence you got to punctuate it.\n\t11) About sentence fragments.\n\t12) In letters themes reports articles and stuff like that we use\n\t    commas to keep strings apart.\n\t13) Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.\n\t14) Its important to use apostrophe's right.\n\t15) Don't abbrev.\n\t16) Check to see if you any words out.\n\t17) In my opinion I think that the author when he is writing should not\n\t    get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words which\n\t    he does not really need.\n\t18) Then, of course, there's that old one: Never use a preposition to\n\t    end a sentence with.\n\t19) Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague."
"Goodfader's Law:\n\tUnder any system, a few sharpies will beat the rest of us."
"Gordon's First Law:\n\tIf a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well."
"Professor Gordon's Rule of Evolving Bryophytic Systems:\n\tWhile bryophytic plants are typically encountered in substrata of earthy\n\tor mineral matter in concreted state, discrete substrata elements\n\toccasionally display a roughly spherical configuration which, in\n\tpresence of suitable gravitational and other effects, lends itself to\n\tcombined translatory and rotational motion.  One notices in such cases\n\tan absence of the otherwise typical accretion of bryophyta.  We conclude\n\ttherefore that a rolling stone gathers no moss.\n   Corollary (Rutgers):\n\tGenerally the subjective value assignable to avian lifeforms, when\n\tencountered and considered within the confines of certain orders of\n\twoody plants lacking true meristematic dominance, as compared to a\n\tpossible valuation of these same lifeforms when in the grasp of -- and\n\tsubject to control by -- the manipulative bone/muscle/nerve complex\n\ttypically terminating the forelimb of a member of the species homo\n\tsapiens (and possibly direct precursors thereof) is approximately\n\tfive times ten to the minus first power."
"Goulden's Axiom of the Bouncing Can:\n\tIf you drop a full can of beer, and remember to rap the top sharply with\n\tyour knuckle prior to opening, the ensuing gush of foam will be between\n\t89 and 94 percent of the volume that would splatter you if you didn't do\n\ta damned thing and went ahead and pulled the top immediately."
"Goulden's Law of Jury Watching:\n\tIf a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than 24 hours, it is\n\tcertain to vote acquittal, save in those instances when it votes guilty."
"Graditor's Laws:\n\t1) If it can break, it will, but only after the warranty expires.\n\t2) A necessary item goes on sale only after you have purchased it at the\n\t   regular price."
"Gray's Law of Bilateral Asymmetry in Networks:\n\tInformation flows efficiently through organizations, except that bad\n\tnews encounters high impedance in flowing upward."
"Gray's Law of Programming:\n\tn+1 trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as n\n\ttrivial tasks."
"Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law of Programming:\n\tn+1 trivial tasks take twice as long as n trivial tasks."
"Rule of the Great:\n\tWhen someone you greatly admire and respect appears to be thinking deep\n\tthoughts, they are probably thinking about lunch."
"Greenberg's First Law of Influence:\n\tUsefulness is inversely proportional to reputation for being useful."
"Greener's Law:\n\tNever argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel."
"Greenhaus's Summation:\n\tI'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."
"Gresham's Law:\n\tTrivial matters are handled promptly; important matters are never\n\tresolved."
"Grosch's Law:\n\tComputing power increases as the square of the cost.  If you want to do\n\tit twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times slower."
"Gross's Law:\n\tWhen two people meet to decide how to spend a third person's money,\n\tfraud will result."
"Gummidge's Law:\n\tThe amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of\n\tstatements understood by the general public."
"Gumperson's Law:\n\tThe probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its\n\tdesirability.\n   Corollaries:\n\t1) After a salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the\n\t   month than you had before.\n\t2) The more a recruit knows about a given subject, the better chance he\n\t   has of being assigned to something else.\n\t3) You can throw a burnt match out the window of your car and start a\n\t   forest fire, but you can use two boxes of matches and a whole edition\n\t   of the Sunday paper without being able to start a fire under the dry\n\t   logs in your fireplace.\n\t4) Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after\n\t   a good night's sleep.\n\t5) The person who buys the most raffle tickets has the least chance of\n\t   winning.\n\t6) Good parking places are always on the other side of the street."
"Gumperson's Proof:\n\tThe most undesirable things are the most certain (death and taxes)."
"Guthman's Law of Media:\n\tThirty seconds on the evening news is worth a front page headline in\n\tevery newspaper in the world."
"Hacker's Law:\n\tThe belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation or\n\tan organization to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions."
"Hacker's Law of Personnel:\n\tAnyone having supervisory responsibility for the completion of a task\n\twill invariably protest that more resources are needed."
"Hagerty's Law:\n\tIf you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich or\n\tfamous or both."
"Haldane's Law:\n\tThe Universe is not only queerer than we imagine, it is queerer than we\n\tCAN imagine."
"Hale's Rule:\n\tThe sumptuousnss of a company's annual report is in inverse proportion\n\tto its profitability that year."
"Hall's Law:\n\tThere is a statistical correlation between the number of initials in an\n\tEnglishman's name and his social class (the upper class having\n\tsignificantly more than three names, while members of the lower class\n\taverage 2.6)."
"Halpern's Observation:\n\tThat tendency to err that programmers have been noticed to share with\n\tother human beings has often been treated as if it were an awkwardness\n\tattendant upon programming's adolescence, which like acne would\n\tdisappear with the craft's coming of age.  It has proved otherwise."
"Harden's Law:\n\tEvery time you come up with a terrific idea, you find that someone else\n\tthought of it first."
"Hardin's Law:\n\tYou can never do merely one thing."
"Harper's Magazine's Law:\n\tYou never find an article until you replace it."
"Harris's Lament:\n\tAll the good ones are taken."
"Harris's Law:\n\tAny philosophy that can be put \"in a nutshell\" belongs there."
"Harris's Restaurant Paradox:\n\tOne of the greatest unsolved riddles of restaurant eating is that the\n\tcustomer usually gets faster service when the retaurant is crowded than\n\twhen it is half empty; it seems that the less the staff has to do, the\n\tslower they do it."
"Hartig's How Is Good Old Bill? We're Divorced Law:\n\tIf there is a wrong thing to say, one will."
"Hartig's Sleeve in the Cup, Thumb in the Butter Law:\n\tWhen one is trying to be elegant and sophisticated, one won't."
"Hartley's Law:\n\tYou can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his\n\tback you've got something."
"Hartman's Automotive Laws:\n\t1) Nothing minor ever happens to a car on the weekend.\n\t2) Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip.\n\t3) Nothing minor ever happens to a car."
"Hart's Law:\n\tIn a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of\n\tanything."
"Harvard Law:\n\tUnder the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,\n\ttemperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, any experimental\n\torganism will do as it damn well pleases."
"Hein's Law:\n\tProblems worthy of attack prove their worth by hitting back."
"Heller's Myths of Management:\n\tThe first myth of management is that it exists.\n\tThe second myth of management is that success equals skill.\n   Corollary (Johnson):\n\tNobody really knows what is going on anywhere within your organization."
"Hendrickson's Law:\n\tIf a problem causes many meetings, the meetings eventually become more\n\timportant than the problem."
"Herblock's Law:\n\tIf it's good, they'll stop making it."
"Herrnstein's Law:\n\tThe total attention paid to an instructor is a constant regardless of\n\tthe size of the class."
"Hersh's Law:\n\tBiochemistry expands to fill the space and time available for its\n\tcompletion and publication."
"Hildebrand's Law:\n\tThe quality of a department is inversely proportional to the number of\n\tcourses it lists in its catalogue."
"Historian's Rule:\n\tAny event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a\n\tcompetent historian."
"Hoare's Law of Large Programs:\n\tInside every large program is a small program struggling to get out."
"Hogg's Law of Station Wagons:\n\tThe amount of junk is in direct proportion to the amount of space\n\tavailable.\n   Baggage Corollary:\n\tIf you go on a trip taking two bags with you, one containing everything\n\tyou need for the trip and the other containing absolutely nothing, the\n\tsecond bag will be completely filled with junk acquired on the trip when\n\tyou return."
"Horner's Five Thumb Postulate:\n\tExperience varies directly with equipment ruined."
"Horowitz's Rule:\n\tA computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20\n\tyears."
"Howard's First Law of Theater:\n\tUse it."
"Howe's Law:\n\tEvery man has a scheme that will not work."
"Hull's Theorem:\n\tThe combined pull of several patrons is the sum of their separate pulls\n\tmultiplied by the number of patrons."
"Hull's Warning:\n\tNever insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river."
"IBM Pollyanna Principle:\n\tMachines should work.  People should think."
"Idea Formula:\n\tOne man's brain plus one other will produce about one half as many ideas\n\tas one man would have produced alone.  These two plus two more will\n\tproduce half again as many ideas.  These four plus four more begin to\n\trepresent a creative meeting, and the ratio changes to one quarter as\n\tmany."
"The Ike Tautology:\n\tThings are more like they are now than they have ever been before.\n   Corollary:\n\tNostalgia isn't what it used to be."
"Iles's Law:\n\tThere is an easier way to do it.\n   Corollaries:\n\t1) When looking directly at the easier way, especially for long periods,\n\t   you will not see it.\n\t2) Neither will Iles."
"Imhoff's Law:\n\tThe organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank --\n\tthe REALLY big chunks always rise to the top."
"Index of Development:\n\tThe degree of a country's development is measured by the ratio of the\n\tprice of an automobile to the cost of a haircut.  The lower the ratio,\n\tthe higher the degree of development."
"Law of the Individual:\n\tNobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing."
"Laws of Institutional Food:\n\t1) Everything is cold except what should be.\n\t2) Everything, including the corn flakes, is greasy."
"Law of Institutions:\n\tThe opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the\n\tfundamental solvency of the firm."
"Iron Law of Distribution:\n\tThem what has -- gets."
"Wakefield's Refutation of the Iron Law of Distribution:\n\tThem what gets -- has."
"Issawi's Law of Aggression:\n\tAt any given moment, a society contains a certain amount of accumulated\n\tand accruing aggressiveness.  If more than 21 years elapse without this\n\taggressiveness being directed outward, in a popular war against other\n\tcountries, it turns inward, in social unrest, civil disturbances, and\n\tpolitical disruption."
"Issawi's Laws of Committo-Dynamics:\n\t1) Comitas comitatum, omnia comitas.\n\t2) The less you enjoy serving on committees, the more likely you are to\n\t   be pressed to do so."
"Issawi's Law of the Conservation of Evil:\n\tThe total amount of evil in any system remains constant.  Hence, any\n\tdiminution in one direction -- for instance, a reduction in poverty or\n\tunemployment -- is accompanied by an increase in another, e.g., crime or\n\tair pollution."
"Issawi's Law of Consumption Patterns:\n\tOther people's patterns of expenditure and consumption are highly\n\tirrational and slightly immoral."
"Issawi's Law of Cynics:\n\tCynics are right nine times out of ten; what undoes them is their belief\n\tthat they are right ten times out of ten."
"Issawi's Law of Dogmatism:\n\tWhen we call others dogmatic, what we really object to is their holding\n\tdogmas that are different from our own."
"Issawi's Law of Estimation of Error:\n\tExperts in advanced countries underestimate by a factor of 2 to 4 the\n\tability of people in underdeveloped countries to do anything technical."
"Issawi's Law of Frustration:\n\tOne cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing\n\thow many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette."
"Issawi's Laws of Progress:\n\tThe Course of Progress:\n\t\tMost things get steadily worse.\n\tThe Path of Progress:\n\t\tA shortcut is the longest distance between two points.\n\tThe Dialectics of Progress:\n\t\tDirect action produces direct reaction.\n\tThe Pace of Progress:\n\t\tSociety is a mule, not a car . . .  If pressed too hard, it will\n\t\tkick and throw off its rider."
"Issawi's Law of the Social Sciences:\n\tBy the time a social science theory is formulated in such a way that it\n\tcan be tested, changing circumstances have already made it obsolete."
"Issawi's Observation on the Consumption of Paper:\n\tEach system has its own way of consuming vast amounts of paper: in\n\tsocialist societies by filling large forms in quadruplicate, in\n\tcapitalist societies by putting up huge posters and wrapping every\n\tarticle in four layers of cardboard."
"Italian Proverb:\n\tShe who is silent consents."
"Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Governments:\n\tNo man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in\n\tsession."
"Jake's Law:\n\tAnything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart."
"Jaroslovsky's Law:\n\tThe distance you have to park from your apartment increases in\n\tproportion to the weight of packages you are carrying."
"Jay's Laws of Leadership:\n\t1) Changing things is central to leadership, and changing them before\n\t   anyone else is creativity.\n\t2) To build something that endures, it is of the greatest important to\n\t   have a long tenure in office -- to rule for many years.  You can\n\t   achieve a quick success in a year or two, but nearly all of the great\n\t   tycoons have continued their building much longer."
"Jenkinson's Law:\n\tIt won't work."
"Jinny's Law:\n\tThere is no such thing as a short beer.  (As in, \"I'm going to stop off\n\tat Joe's for a short beer before on the way home.\")"
"John's Axiom:\n\tWhen your opponent is down, kick him."
"John's Collateral Corollary:\n\tIn order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it."
"Johnson's First Law:\n\tWhen any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most\n\tinconvenient possible time."
"Johnson's Second Law:\n\tIf, in the course of several months, only three worthwhile social events\n\ttake place, they will all fall on the same evening."
"Johnson's Third Law:\n\tIf you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue containing\n\tthe article, story, or installment you were most anxious to read.\n   Corollary:\n\tAll of your friends either missed it, lost it, or threw it out."
"Johnson's First Law of Auto Repair:\n\tAny tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car\n\tto the vehicle's exact geographic center."
"Johnson-Laird's Law:\n\tToothache tends to start on Saturday night."
"Jones's Law:\n\tThe man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he\n\tcan blame it on."
"Jones's Motto:\n\tFriends may come and go, but enemies accumulate."
"Geanangel's Codicil on Jones's Motto:\n\tTo make an enemy, do someone a favor."
"Jones's Principle:\n\tNeeds are a function of what other people have."
"Juhani's Law:\n\tThe compromise will always be more expensive than either of the\n\tsuggestions it's compromising."
"Kafka's Law:\n\tIn the fight between you and the world, back the world."
"Kamin's First Law:\n\tAll currencies will decrease in value and purchasing power over the long\n\tterm, unless they are freely and fully convertable into gold and that\n\tgold is traded freely without restrictions of any kind."
"Kamin's Second Law:\n\tThreat of capital controls accelerates marginal capital outflows."
"Kamin's Third Law:\n\tCombined total taxation from all levels of government will always\n\tincrease (until the government is replaced by war or revolution)."
"Kamin's Fourth Law:\n\tGovernment inflation is always worse than statistics indicate: central\n\tbankers are biased toward inflation when the money unit is\n\tnon-convertible, and without gold or silver backing."
"Kamin's Fifth Law:\n\tPurchasing power of currency is always lost far more rapidly than ever\n\tregained.  (Those who expect even fluctuations in both directions play\n\ta losing game.)"
"Kamin's Sixth Law:\n\tWhen attempting to predict and forecast macro-economic moves or economic\n\tlegislation by a politician, never be misled by what he says; instead\n\twatch what he does."
"Kamin's Seventh Law:\n\tPoliticians will always inflate when given the opportunity."
"Kaplan's Law of the Instrument:\n\tGive a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters\n\tneeds pounding."
"Katz's Law:\n\tMen and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have\n\tbeen exhausted."
"Katz's Maxims:\n\t1) Where are the calculations that go with the calculated risk?\n\t2) Inventing is easy for staff outfits.  Stating a problem is much\n\t   harder.  Instead of stating problems, people like to pass out half-\n\t   accurate statements together with half-available solutions which they\n\t   can't finish and which they want you to finish.\n\t3) Every organization is self-perpetuating.  Don't ever ask an outfit to\n\t   justify itself, or you'll be covered with facts, figures, and fancy.\n\t   The criterion should rather be, \"What will happen if the outfit stops\n\t   doing what it's doing?\"  The value of an organization is more easily\n\t   determined this way.\n\t4) Try to find out who's doing the work, not who's writing about it,\n\t   controlling it, or summarizing it.\n\t5) Watch out for formal briefings; they often produce an avalanche (a\n\t   high-level snow job of massive and overwhelming proportions).\n\t6) The difficulty of the coordination task often blinds one to the fact\n\t   that a fully coordinated piece of paper is not supposed to be either\n\t   the major or the final product of the organization, but it often\n\t   turns out that way.\n\t7) Most organizations can't hold more than one idea at a time.  Thus\n\t   complementary ideas are always regarded as competetive.  Further,\n\t   like a quantized pendulum, an organization can jump from one extreme\n\t   to the other, without ever going through the middle.\n\t8) Try to find the real tense of the report you are reading: Was it\n\t   done, is it being done, or is it something to be done?  Reports are\n\t   now written in four tenses: past tense, present tense, future tense,\n\t   and pretense.  Watch for novel uses of \"contractor grammar\", defined\n\t   by the imperfect past, the insufficient present, and the absolutely\n\t   perfect future."
"Kelley's Law:\n\tLast guys don't finish nice."
"Kelly's Law:\n\tAn executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes\n\thim."
"Kennedy's Law:\n\tExcessive official restraints on information are inevitably\n\tself-defeating and productive of headaches for the officials concerned."
"Kent's Law:\n\tThe only way a reporter should look at a politician is down."
"Kerr-Martin Law:\n\t1) In dealing with their OWN problems, faculty members are the most\n\t   extreme conservatives.\n\t2) In dealing with OTHER people's problems, they are the world's most\n\t   extreme liberals."
"Kettering's Laws:\n\t1) If you want to kill any idea in the world today, get a committee\n\t   working on it.\n\t2) If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong."
"Key to Status:\n\tS = D/K.  S is the status of a person in an organization, D is the\n\tnumber of doors he must open to perform his job, and K is the number of\n\tkeys he carries.  A higher number denotes higher status.  Thus the\n\tjanitor needs to open 20 doors and has 20 keys (S = 1), a secretary has\n\tto open two doors with one key (S = 2), but the president never has to\n\tcarry any keys since there is always someone around to open doors for\n\thim (with K = 0 and a high D, his S reaches infinity)."
"Kharasch's Institutional Imperative:\n\tEvery action or decision of an institution must be intended to keep the\n\tinstitution machinery working.\n   Corollary:\n\tThe expert judgment of an institution, when the matter involved concerns\n\tcontinuation of the institution's operations, is totally predictable,\n\tand hence the finding is totally worthless."
"Kirkland's Law:\n\tThe usefulness of any meeting is in inverse proportion to the\n\tattendance."
"Kitman's Law:\n\tOn the TV screen, pure drivel tends to drive off ordinary drivel."
"Klipstein's Law of Specifications:\n\tIn specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's."
"Klipstein's Laws:\n   Applied to General Engineering:\n\t 1) A patent application will be preceded by one week by a similar\n\t    application made by an independent worker.\n\t 2) Firmness of delivery dates is inversely proportional to the\n\t    tightness of the schedule.\n\t 3) Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term.\n\t    Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.\n\t 4) Any wire cut to length will be too short.\n   Applied to Prototyping and Production:\n\t 1) Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum\n\t    difficulty to assemble.\n\t 2) If a project requires n components, there will be n-1 units in\n\t    stock.\n\t 3) A motor will rotate in the wrong direction.\n\t 4) A failsafe circuit will destroy others.\n\t 5) A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse\n\t    by blowing first.\n\t 6) A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.\n\t 7) A purchased component or instrument will meet its specs long enough,\n\t    and only long enough, to pass incoming inspection.\n\t 8) After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access\n\t    cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been\n\t    removed.\n\t 9) After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it\n\t    will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.\n\t10) After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be\n\t    found on the bench."
"Knoll's Law of Media Accuracy:\n\tEverything you read in the newspapers is absolutely true except for that\n\trare story of which you happen to have firsthand knowledge."
"Knowles's Law of Legislative Deliberation:\n\tThe length of debate varies inversely with the complexity of the issue.\n   Corollary:\n\tWhen the issue is trivial, and everyone understands it, debate is almost\n\tinterminable."
"Kohn's Second Law:\n\tAny experiment is reproducible until another laboratory tries to repeat\n\tit."
"Koppett's Law:\n\tWhatever creates the greatest inconvenience for the largest number must\n\thappen."
"Kristol's Law:\n\tBeing frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters in life begin\n\twhen you get what you want."
"Labor Law:\n\tA disagreeable law is its own reward."
"LaCombe's Rule of Percentages:\n\tThe incidence of anything worthwhile is either 15-25 percent or 80-90\n\tpercent.\n   Corollary (Dudenhoefer):\n\tAn answer of 50 percent will suffice for the 40-60 range."
"Langin's Law:\n\tIf things were left to chance, they'd be better."
"Lani's Principles of Economics:\n\t1) Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.\n\t2) $100 placed at 7% interest compounded quarterly for 200 years will\n\t   increase to more than $100,000,000 by which time it will be worth\n\t   nothing.\n\t3) In God we trust; all others pay cash."
"La Rochefoucauld's Law:\n\tIt is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived by\n\tthem."
"Larrimer's Constant:\n\tWhat this world needs is a damned good plague."
"Law of Late-Comers:\n\tThose who have the shortest distance to travel invariably arrive latest."
"Laura's Law:\n\tNo child throws up in the bathroom."
"Lawyer's Rule:\n\tWhen the law is against you, argue the facts.  When the facts are\n\tagainst you, argue the law.  When both are against you, call the other\n\tlawyer names."
"Leahy's Law:\n\tIf a thing is done wrong often enough, it becomes right.\n   Corollary:\n\tVolume is a defense to error."
"Le Chatelier's Law:\n\tIf some stress is brought to bear on a system in equilibrium, the\n\tequilibrium is displaced in the direction which tends to undo the effect\n\tof the stress."
"Lenin's Law:\n\tWhenever the cause of the people is entrusted to professors, it is lost."
"Le Pelley's Law:\n\tThe bigger the man, the less likely he is to object to caricature."
"Les Miserables Metalaw:\n\tAll laws, whether good, bad, or indifferent, must be obeyed to the\n\tletter."
"Levy's Ten Laws of the Disillusionment of the True Liberal:\n\t 1) Large numbers of things are determined, and therefore not subject to\n\t    change.\n\t 2) Anticipated events never live up to expectations.\n\t 3) That segment of the community with which one has the greatest\n\t    sympathy as a liberal inevitably turns out to be one of the most\n\t    narrow-minded and bigoted segments of the community.\n\t 4) Always pray that your opposition be wicked.  In wickedness there is\n\t    a strong strain toward rationality.  Therefore there is always the\n\t    possibility, in theory, of handling the wicked by outthinking them.\n   Corollary 1:\n\t    Good intentions randomize behavior.\n   Corollary 2:\n\t    Good intentions are far more difficult to cope with than malicious\n\t    intent.\n   Corollary 3:\n\t    If good intentions are combined with stupidity, it is impossible to\n\t    outthink them.\n   Corollary 4:\n\t    Any discovery is more likely to be exploited by the wicked than\n\t    applied by the virtuous.\n\t 5) In unanimity there is cowardice and uncritical thinking.\n\t 6) To have a sense of humor is to be a tragic figure.\n\t 7) To know thyself is the ultimate form of aggression.\n\t 8) No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.\n\t 9) Only God can make a random selection.\n\t10) Eternal boredom is the price of constant vigilance."
"Lewis's Laws:\n\t1) People will buy anything that's one to a customer.\n\t2) No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've\n\t   bought it it will be on sale somewhere cheaper."
"Liebling's Law:\n\tIf you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to\n\tboot yourself in the posterior."
"Lilly's Metalaw:\n\tAll laws are simulations of reality."
"Lloyd-Jones's Law of Leftovers:\n\tThe amount of litter on the street is proportional to the local rate of\n\tunemployment."
"Law of Local Anesthesia:\n\tNever say \"oops\" in the operating room."
"(F)law of Long-Range Planning:\n\tThe longer ahead you plan a special event, and the more special it is,\n\tthe more likely it is to go wrong."
"Long's Notes:\n\t 1) Always store beer in a dark place.\n\t 2) Certainly the game is rigged.  Don't let that stop you; if you don't\n\t    bet, you can't win.\n\t 3) Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.\n\t 4) Always listen to experts.  They'll tell you what can't be done, and\n\t    why.  Then do it.\n\t 5) If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is\n\t    opinion.\n\t 6) It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another --\n\t    but which one?  Differences are crucial.\n\t 7) A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated.  But an authentic soothsayer\n\t    should be shot on sight.  Cassandra did not get half the kicking\n\t    around she deserved.\n\t 8) Delusions are often functional.  A mother's opinions about her\n\t    children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam,\n\t    keep her from drowning them at birth.\n\t 9) A generation which ignores history has no past -- and no future.\n\t10) A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.\n\t11) Small change can often be found under seat cushions.\n\t12) History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any\n\t    rational basis.  Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough\n\t    to stand up to the unknown without help.  But, like dandruff, most\n\t    people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to\n\t    derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it.\n\t13) It's amazing how much \"mature wisdom\" resembles being too tired.\n\t14) Of all the strange \"crimes\" that human beings have legislated out of\n\t    nothing, \"blasphemy\" is the most amazing -- with \"obscenity\" and\n\t    \"indecent exposure\" fighting it out for second and third place.\n\t15) It's better to copulate than never.\n\t16) Everything in excess!  To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites.\n\t    Moderation is for monks.\n\t17) It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is\n\t    better still to be a live lion.  And usually easier.\n\t18) Never appeal to a man's \"better nature\".  He may not have one.\n\t    Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.\n\t19) Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.\n\t20) Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry.\n\t21) An elephant:  A mouse built to government specifications.\n\t22) A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.  This may be\n\t    the purpose of the universe.\n\t23) Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by\n\t    legislation.  Stupidity is not a sin; the victim can't help being\n\t    stupid.  But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the\n\t    sentence is death, there is no appeal, and execution is carried out\n\t    automatically and without pity.\n\t24) God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent.  It says so right\n\t    here on the label.  If you have a mind capable of believing all\n\t    three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful\n\t    bargain for you.  No checks, please.  Cash and in small bills.\n\t25) Beware of altruism.  It is based on self-deception, the root of all\n\t    evil.\n\t26) The most preposterous notion that H. sapiens has ever dreamed up is\n\t    that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of all the Universe,\n\t    wants the saccharine adoration of His creatures, can be swayed by\n\t    their prayers, and becomes petulant if He does not receive this\n\t    flattery.  Yet this absurd fantasy, without a shred of evidence to\n\t    bolster it, pays all the expenses of the oldest, largest, and least\n\t    productive industry in all history.\n\t27) The second most preposterous notion is that copulation is inherently\n\t    sinful.\n\t28) Everybody lies about sex.\n\t29) Rub her feet.\n\t30) Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.\n\t31) Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not.\n\t32) In a family argument, if it turns out you are right, apologize at\n\t    once.\n\t33) To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to\n\t    unlearn old falsehoods.\n\t34) Does history record any case in which the majority was right?\n\t35) Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.\n\t36) The greatest productive force is human selfishness.\n\t37) Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors --\n\t    and miss.\n\t38) Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields.  But\n\t    experts often think so.  The narrower their field of knowledge the\n\t    more likely they are to think so.\n\t39) Never try to outstubborn a cat.\n\t40) Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.\n\t41) Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.\n\t42) Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital\n\t    crime.  For a first offense, that is.\n\t43) The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: \"Of course it's\n\t    none of my business, but . . . \" is to place a period after the word\n\t    \"but\".  Don't use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a\n\t    period.  Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is\n\t    bound to get you talked about.\n\t44) A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being\n\t    \"frank\".\n\t45) Natural laws have no pity.\n\t46) You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too\n\t    trusting.\n\t47) Anything free is worth what you pay for it.\n\t48) Climate is what we expect; weather is what we get.\n\t49) Pessimist by policy, optimist by temperament -- it is possible to be\n\t    both.  How?  By never taking an unnecessary chance and by minimizing\n\t    risks you can't avoid.  This permits you to play out the game\n\t    happily, untroubled by the certainty of the outcome.\n\t50) \"I came, I saw, SHE conquered.\"  (The original Latin seems to have\n\t    been garbled.)\n\t51) A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.\n\t52) Don't try to have the last word.  You might get it."
"Los Angeles Dodgers Law:\n\tWait till last year."
"Law of the Lost Inch:\n\tIn designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be\n\ttotalled correctly after 4:40 p.m. on Friday.\n   Corollaries:\n\t1) Under the same conditions, if any minor dimensions are given to\n\t   sixteenths of an inch, they cannot be totalled at all.\n\t2) The correct total will become self-evident at 9:01 a.m. on Monday."
"Lowrey's Law:\n\tIf it jams, force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway."
"Lowrey's Law of Expertise:\n\tJust when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it\n\tany more."
"Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:\n\tThere's always one more bug."
"Lubin's Law:\n\tIf another scientist thought your research was more important than his,\n\the would drop what he is doing and do what you are doing."
"Luce's Law:\n\tNo good deed goes unpunished."
"Lucy's Law:\n\tThe alternative to getting old is depressing."
"Luten's Laws:\n\t1) When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity:\n\t   for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another week\n\t   when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.\n\t2) It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off\n\t   the ground."
"Lyon's Law of Hesitation:\n\tHe who hesitates is last."
"Madison's Question:\n\tIf you have to travel on a Titanic, why not go first-class?"
"Rev. Mahaffy's Observation:\n\tThere's no such thing as a large whiskey."
"Maclean's Maxim:\n\tThere are only two problems with people.  One is that they don't think.\n\tThe other is that they do."
"Maier's Law:\n\tIf the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.\n   Corollaries:\n\t1) The bigger the theory, the better.\n\t2) The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the\n\t   observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a correspondence\n\t   with the theory.  (Compensation Corollary)"
"Malek's Law:\n\tAny simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way."
"Malinowski's Law:\n\tLooking from far above, from our high places of safety in the developed\n\tcivilization, it is easy to see all the crudity and irrelevance of\n\tmagic."
"Malloy's Maxim:\n\tThe fact that monkeys have hands should give us pause."
"Truths of Management:\n\t 1) Think before you act; it's not your money.\n\t 2) All good management is the expression of one great idea.\n\t 3) No executive devotes effort to proving himself wrong.\n\t 4) Cash in must exceed cash out.\n\t 5) Management capability is always less than the organization actually\n\t    needs.\n\t 6) Either an executive can do his job or he can't.\n\t 7) If sophisticated calculations are needed to justify an action, don't\n\t    do it.\n\t 8) If you are doing something wrong, you will do it badly.\n\t 9) If you are attempting the impossible, you will fail.\n\t10) The easiest way of making money is to stop losing it."
"Truth 5.1 of Management:\n\tOrganizations always have too many managers."
"Marshall's Generalized Iceberg Theorem:\n\tSeven-eighths of everything can't be seen."
"Marshall's Universal Laws of Perpetual Perceptual Obfuscation:\n\t1) Nobody perceives anything with total accuracy.\n\t2) No two people perceive the same thing identically.\n\t3) Few perceive what difference it makes -- or care."
"Martha's Maxim (and see Olum's Observation and Farrow's Finding):\n\tIf God had meant for us to travel tourist class, He would have made us\n\tnarrower."
"Dean Martin's Definition of Drunkenness:\n\tYou're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
"Martin-Berthelot Principle:\n\tOf all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the\n\treaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest\n\tamount of hot air."
"Martin's Laws of Academia:\n\t1) The faculty expands its activity to fit whatever space is available,\n\t   so that more space is always required.\n\t2) Faculty purchases of equipment and supplies always increase to match\n\t   the funds available, so these funds are never adequate.\n\t3) The professional quality of the faculty tends to be inversely\n\t   proportional to the importance it attaches to space and equipment."
"Martin's Law of Committees:\n\tAll committee reports conclude that \"it is not prudent to change the\n\tpolicy (or procedure, or organization, or whatever) at this time.\"\n   Martin's Exclusion:\n\tCommittee reports dealing with wages, salaries, fringe benefits,\n\tfacilities, computers, employee parking, libraries, coffee breaks,\n\tsecretarial support, etc., always call for dramatic expenditure\n\tincreases."
"Martin's Law of Communication:\n\tThe inevitable result of improved and enlarged communication between\n\tdifferent levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased area of\n\tmisunderstanding."
"Martin's Minimax Maxim:\n\tEveryone knows that the name of the game is to let the other guy have\n\tall of the little tats and to keep all of the big tits for yourself."
"Matsch's Law:\n\tIt is better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without end."
"Matsch's Maxim:\n\tA fool in a high station is like a man on the top of a small mountain:\n\teverything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody."
"May's Law:\n\tThe quality of the correlation is inversely proportional to the density\n\tof the control (the fewer the facts, the smoother the curves)."
"May's Mordant Maxim:\n\tA university is a place where men of principle outnumber men of honor."
"McCarthy's Law:\n\tBeing in politics is like being a football coach.  You have to be smart\n\tenough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important."
"McClaughry's Law of Public Policy:\n\tPoliticians who vote huge expenditures to alleviate problems get\n\tre-elected; those who propose structural changes to prevent problems get\n\tearly retirement."
"McClaughry's Law of Zoning:\n\tWhere zoning is not needed, it will work perfectly; where it is\n\tdesperately needed, it always breaks down."
"McGoon's Law:\n\tThe probability of winning is inversely proportional to the amount of\n\tthe wager."
"McGovern's Law:\n\tThe longer the title, the less important the job."
"McGurk's Law:\n\tAny improbable event which would create maximum confusion if it did\n\toccur, will occur."
"McKenna's Law:\n\tWhen you are right, be logical.  When you are wrong, be-fuddle."
"McLaughlin's Law (and see Parson's Third Law):\n\tThe length of any meeting is inversely proportional to the length of the\n\tagenda for that meeting."
"McNaughton's Rule:\n\tAny argument worth making within the bureaucracy must be capable of\n\tbeing expressed in a simple declarative sentence that is obviously true\n\tonce stated."
"Margaret Mead's Law of Human Migration:\n\tAt least fifty percent of the human race doesn't want their\n\tmother-in-law within walking distance."
"Melcher's Law:\n\tIn a bureaucracy, every routing slip will expand until it contains the\n\tmaximum number of names that can be typed in a single vertical column."
"H. L. Mencken's Law:\n\tThose who can -- do.\n\tThose who cannot -- teach.\n\tThose who cannot teach -- administrate.  (Martin's Extension)"
"Mencken's Meta-Law:\n\tFor every human problem, there is a neat, plain solution -- and it is\n\talways wrong."
"Merrill's First Corollary:\n\tThere are no winners in life; only survivors."
"Merrill's Second Corollary:\n\tIn the highway of life, the average happening is of about as much true\n\tsignificance as a dead skunk in the middle of the road."
"Meskimen's Laws:\n\t1) When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad.\n\t2) There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over."
"Michehl's Theorem:\n\tLess is more."
"Pastore's Comment on Michehl's Theorem:\n\tNothing is ultimate."
"Mickelson's Law of Falling Objects:\n\tAny object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger object."
"Miksch's Law:\n\tIf a string has one end, then it has another end."
"Miller's Law:\n\tYou can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it."
"Mills's Law of Transportation Logistics:\n\tThe distance to the gate from which your flight departs is inversely\n\tproportional to the time remaining before the scheduled departure of the\n\tflight.\n   Corollaries (Woods):\n\t1) This remains true even as you rush to catch the flight.\n\t2) From this it follows that you are invariably rushing the wrong way."
"MIST Law (Man In The Street):\n\tThe number of people watching you is directly proportional to the\n\tstupidity of your action."
"Mobil's Maxim:\n\tBad regulation begets worse regulation."
"Moer's Truism:\n\tThe trouble with most jobs is the resemblance to being in a sled dog\n\tteam.  No one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog."
"Money Maxim:\n\tMoney isn't everything.  (It isn't plentiful, for instance.)"
"Montagu's Maxim:\n\tThe idea is to die young as late as possible."
"Morley's Conclusion:\n\tNo man is lonely while eating spaghetti."
"Morton's Law:\n\tIf rats are experimented upon, they will develop cancer.  (\"What this\n\tcountry needs are some stronger white rats.\")"
"Mosher's Law:\n\tIt's better to retire too soon than too late."
"Munnecke's Law:\n\tIf you don't say it, they can't repeat it."
"Murchison's Law of Money:\n\tMoney is like manure.  If you spread it around, it does a lot of good.\n\tBut if you pile it up in one place, it stinks like hell."
"Murphy's Constant:\n\tMatter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value."
"Murphy's First Law:\n\tNothing is as easy as it looks."
"Murphy's Second Law:\n\tEverything takes longer than you think."
"Murphy's Third Law:\n\tAnything that can go wrong will go wrong."
"Murphy's Fourth Law:\n\tIf there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that\n\twill cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.\n   Corollary:\n\tIf there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then."
"Murphy's Fifth Law:\n\tIf anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway."
"Murphy's Sixth Law:\n\tIf you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure\n\tcan go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for,\n\twill promptly develop."
"Murphy's Seventh Law:\n\tLeft to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse."
"Murphy's Eighth Law:\n\tIf everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked\n\tsomething."
"Murphy's Ninth Law:\n\tNature always sides with the hidden flaw."
"Murphy's Tenth Law:\n\tMother nature is a bitch."
"Murphy's Eleventh Law:\n\tIt is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so\n\tingenious."
"Murphy's Twelfth Law:\n\tWhenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first."
"Murphy's Thirteenth Law:\n\tEvery solution breeds new problems."
"Murphy's Law of Research:\n\tEnough research will tend to support your theory."
"Murphy's Law of Copiers:\n\tThe legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance."
"Murphy's Law of the Open Road:\n\tWhen there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge\n\tplaced at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows\n\tthat: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they\n\twill always meet at the bridge."
"Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics:\n\tThings get worse under pressure."
"The Murphy Philosophy:\n\tSmile . . . tomorrow will be worse."
"Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws:\n\tEverything goes wrong all at once."
"Hill's Commentaries on Murphy's Laws:\n\t1) If we lose much by having things go wrong, take all possible care.\n\t2) If we have nothing to lose by change, relax.\n\t3) If we have everything to gain by change, relax.\n\t4) If it doesn't matter, it does not matter."
"NBC's Addendum to Murphy's Law:\n\tYou never run out of things that can go wrong."
"O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Laws:\n\tMurphy was an optimist."
"Nader's Law:\n\tThe speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the\n\tquality of his service."
"NASA Skylab Rule:\n\tDon't do it if you can't keep it up."
"NASA Truisms:\n\t1) Research is reading two books that have never been read in order to\n\t   write a third that will never be read.\n\t2) A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.\n\t3) Statistics are a highly logical and precise method for saying a\n\t   half-truth inaccurately."
"Law of Nations:\n\tIn an underdeveloped country, don't drink the water; in a developed\n\tcountry, don't breathe the air."
"Navy Law:\n\tIf you can keep your head when all about you others are losing theirs,\n\tmaybe you just don't understand the situation."
"Evvie Nef's Law:\n\tThere is a solution to every problem; the only difficulty is finding it."
"Nessen's Law:\n\tSecret sources are more credible."
"Newman's Law:\n\tHypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse."
"Newton's Little-known Seventh Law:\n\tA bird in the hand is safer than one overhead."
"Nick the Greek's Law:\n\tAll things considered, life is 9-to-5 against. "
"Nienberg's Law:\n\tProgress is made on alternate Fridays."
"Nies's Law:\n\tThe effort expended by the bureaucracy in defending any error is in\n\tdirect proportion to the size of the error."
"Ninety-ninety Rule of Project Schedules:\n\tThe first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time,\n\tand the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent."
"Nixon's Rule:\n\tIf two wrongs don't make a right, try three."
"Nobel Effect:\n\tThere is no proposition, no matter how foolish, for which a dozen Nobel\n\tsignatures cannot be collected.  Furthermore, any such petition is\n\tguaranteed page-one treatment in the New York Times."
"Noble's Law of Political Imagery:\n\tAll other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of\n\tthe United States.\n   Corollary:\n\tGiven a choice between two bald political candidates, the American\n\tpeople will vote for the less bald of the two."
"North Carolina Equine Paradox:\n\tVyarzerzomanimororsezassezanzerareorses?"
"No. 3 Pencil Principle:\n\tMake it sufficiently difficult for people to do something, and most\n\tpeople will stop doing it.\n   Corollary:\n\tIf no one uses something, it isn't needed."
"Nursing Mother Principle:\n\tDo not nurse a kid who wears braces."
"Nyquist's Theory of Equilibrium:\n\tEquality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant\n\tprofessor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a\n\tmale schlemiel."
"Oaks's Unruly Laws for Lawmakers:\n\t1) Law expands in proportion to the resources available for its\n\t   enforcement.\n\t2) Bad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed.\n\t3) Social legislation cannot repeal physical laws."
"O'Brien's First Law of Politics:\n\tThe more campaigning, the better."
"O'Brien's Principle (The $357.73 Theorem):\n\tAuditors always reject any expense account with a bottom line divisible\n\tby five or ten."
"O'Brien's Rule:\n\tNothing is ever done for the right reason."
"The Obvious Law:\n\tActually, it only SEEMS as though you mustn't be deceived by\n\tappearances."
"Occam's Electric Razor:\n\tThe most difficult light bulb to replace burns out first and most\n\tfrequently."
"Occam's Razor:\n\tEntities ought not to be multiplied except from necessity.\n   Reformulations:\n\t1) The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is the most likely\n\t   to be correct.\n\t2) Whenever two hypotheses cover the facts, use the simpler of the two.\n\t3) Cut the crap."
"Oesner's Law (Oeser's Law?):\n\tThere is a tendency for the person in the most powerful position in an\n\torganization to spend all his time serving on committees and signing\n\tletters."
"Old and Kahn's Law:\n\tThe efficiency of a committee meeting is inversely proportional to the\n\tnumber of participants and the time spent on deliberations."
"Old Children's Law:\n\tIf it tastes good, you can't have it.  If it tastes awful, you'd better\n\tclean your plate."
"Olum's Observation (and see Martha's Maxim and Farrow's Finding):\n\tIf God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that\n\tway."
"Oppenheimer's Observation:\n\tThe optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds, and the\n\tpessimist knows it."
"Optimum Optimorum Principle:\n\tThere comes a time when one must stop suggesting and evaluating new\n\tsolutions, and get on with the job of analyzing and finally implementing\n\tone pretty good solution."
"Ordering Principle:\n\tThose supplies necessary for yesterday's experiment must be ordered no\n\tlater than tomorrow noon."
"Orion's Law:\n\tEverything breaks down."
"Orwell's Law of Bridge:\n\tAll bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely\n\tthan others."
"Osborn's Law:\n\tVariables won't; constants aren't."
"Otten's Law of Testimony:\n\tWhen a person says that, in the interest of saving time, he will\n\tsummarize his prepared statement, he will talk only three times as long\n\tas if he had read the statement in the first place."
"Otten's Law of Typesetting:\n\tTypesetters always correct intentional errors, but fail to correct\n\tunintentional ones."
"Ozian Option:\n\tI can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma."
"Panic Instruction:\n\tWhen you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried."
"Paradox of Selective Equality:\n\tAll things being equal, all things are never equal."
"Pardo's Postulates:\n\t1) Anything good is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.\n\t2) The three faithful things in life are money, a dog, and an old woman.\n\t3) Don't care if you're rich or not, as long as you live comfortably and\n\t   can have everything you want."
"Pareto's Law (The 20/80 Law):\n\t20% of the customers account for 80% of the turnover, 20% of the\n\tcomponents account for 80% of the cost, and so forth."
"Parker's Rule of Parliamentary Procedure:\n\tA motion to adjourn is always in order."
"Parker's Law of Political Statements:\n\tThe truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility, and\n\tvice versa."
"Parkin's Law of Irritation:\n\tAnything that happens enough times to irritate you will happen at least\n\tonce more."
"Parkinson's Axioms:\n\t1) An official wants to multiply subordinates, not rivals.\n\t2) Officials make work for each other."
"Parkinson's First Law:\n\tWork expands to fill the time available for its completion; the thing to\n\tbe done swells in perceived importance and complexity in a direct ratio\n\twith the time to be spent in its completion."
"Parkinson's Second Law:\n\tExpenditures rise to meet income."
"Parkinson's Third Law:\n\tExpansion means complexity; and complexity decay."
"Parkinson's Fourth Law:\n\tThe number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless\n\tof the amount of work to be done."
"Parkinson's Fifth Law:\n\tIf there is a way to delay an important decision the good bureaucracy,\n\tpublic or private, will find it."
"Parkinson's Sixth Law:\n\tThe progress of science varies inversely with the number of journals\n\tpublished."
"Parkinson's Law of Delay:\n\tDelay is the deadliest form of denial."
"Parkinson's Law of Medical Research:\n\tSuccessful research attracts the bigger grant which makes further\n\tresearch impossible."
"Parkinson's Law of the Telephone:\n\tThe effectiveness of a telephone conversation is in inverse proportion\n\tto the time spent on it."
"Parkinson's Law of 1000:\n\tAn enterprise employing more than 1000 people becomes a\n\tself-perpetuating empire, creating so much internal work that it no\n\tlonger needs any contact with the outside world."
"Parkinson's Principle of Non-Origination:\n\tIt is the essence of grantsmanship to persuade the Foundation executives\n\tthat it was THEY who suggested the research project and that you were a\n\tbelated convert, agreeing reluctantly to all they had proposed."
"Mrs. Parkinson's Law:\n\tHeat produced by pressure expands to fill the mind available, from which\n\tit can pass only to a cooler mind."
"Parson's Laws:\n\t1) If you break a cup or plate, it will not be the one that was already\n\t   chipped or cracked.\n\t2) A place you want to get to is always just off the edge of the map you\n\t   happen to have handy.\n\t3) A meeting lasts at least 1 1/2 hours however short the agenda."
"Dolly Parton's Principle:\n\tThe bigger they are, the harder it is to see your shoes."
"Pastore's Truths:\n\t1) Even paranoids have enemies.\n\t2) This job is marginally better than daytime TV.\n\t3) On alcohol: four is one more than more than enough."
"Patricks's Theorem:\n\tIf the experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment."
"Patton's Law:\n\tA good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow."
"Paturi Principle:\n\tSuccess is the result of behavior that completely contradicts the usual\n\texpectations about the behavior of a successful person.\n   Corollary:\n\tThe amount of success is in inverse proportion to the effort involved in\n\tattaining it."
"Paul Principle:\n\tPeople become progressively less competent for jobs they once were well\n\tequipped to handle."
"Paul's Law:\n\tYou can't fall off the floor."
"Paulg's Law:\n\tIn America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save."
"Peck's Programming Postulates (Philosophic Engineering applied to programming):\n\t 1) In any program, any error which can creep in will eventually do so.\n\t 2) Not until the program has been in production for at least six months\n\t    will the most harmful error be discovered.\n\t 3) Any constants, limits, or timing formulas that appear in the\n\t    computer manufacturer's literature should be treated as variables.\n\t 4) The most vital parameter in any subroutine stands the greatest\n\t    chance of being left out of the calling sequence.\n\t 5) If only one compiler can be secured for a piece of hardware, the\n\t    compilation times will be exorbitant.\n\t 6) If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems\n\t    will malfunction.\n\t 7) Job control cards that positively cannot be arranged in improper\n\t    order, will be.\n\t 8) Interchangeable tapes won't.\n\t 9) If more than one person has programmed a malfunctioning routine, no\n\t    one is at fault.\n\t10) If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an\n\t    ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.\n\t11) Duplicated object decks which test in identical fashion will not\n\t    give identical results at remote sites.\n\t12) Manufacturer's hardware and software support ceases with payment for\n\t    the computer."
"Peckham's Law (Beckhap's Law?):\n\tBeauty times brains equals a constant."
"Peers's Law:\n\tThe solution to a problem changes the problem."
"Captain Penny's Law:\n\tYou can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people\n\tall of the time, but you can't fool MOM."
"Perelman's Point:\n\tThere is nothing like a good painstaking survey full of decimal points\n\tand guarded generalizations to put a glaze like a Sung vase on your\n\teyeball."
"Perlsweig's Law:\n\tPeople who can least afford to pay rent, pay rent.  People who can most\n\tafford to pay rent, build up equity."
"Persig's Postulate:\n\tThe number of rational hypotheses that can explain any given phenomenon\n\tis infinite."
"Peter Principle:\n\tIn every hierarchy, whether it be government or business, each employee\n\ttends to rise to his level of incompetence; every post tends to be\n\tfilled by an employee incompetent to execute its duties.\n   Corollaries:\n\t1) Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.\n\t2) Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached\n\t   their level of incompetence.\n\t3) If at first you don't succeed, try something else."
"Peter's Hidden Postulate According to Godin:\n\tEvery employee begins at his level of competence."
"Peter's Inversion:\n\tInternal consistency is valued more highly than efficiency."
"Peter's Law of Evolution:\n\tCompetence always contains the seed of incompetence."
"Peter's Law of Substitution:\n\tLook after the molehills and the mountains will look after themselves."
"Peter's Observation:\n\tSuper-competence is more objectionable than incompetence."
"Peter's Paradox:\n\tEmployees in a hierarchy do not really object to incompetence in their\n\tcolleagues."
"Peter's Perfect People Palliative:\n\tEach of us is a mixture of good qualities and some (perhaps) not-so-good\n\tqualities.  In considering our fellow people we should remember their\n\tgood qualities and realize that their faults only prove that they are,\n\tafter all, human.  We should refrain from making harsh judgments of\n\tpeople just because they happen to be dirty, rotten, no-good\n\tsons-of-bitches."
"Peter's Placebo:\n\tAn ounce of image is worth a pound of performance."
"Peter's Prognosis:\n\tSpend sufficient time in confirming the need and the need will\n\tdisappear."
"Peter's Rule for Creative Incompetence:\n\tCreate the impression that you have already reached your level of\n\tincompetence."
"Peter's Theorem:\n\tIncompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence."
"Peterson's Law:\n\tHistory shows that money will multiply in volume and divide in value\n\tover the long run.  Or, expressed differently, the purchasing power of\n\tcurrency will vary inversely with the magnitude of the public debt."
"Phases of a Project:\n\t1) Exultation.\n\t2) Disenchantment.\n\t3) Confusion.\n\t4) Search for the Guilty.\n\t5) Punishment of the Innocent.\n\t6) Distinction for the Uninvolved."
"Phelps's Laws of Renovation:\n\t1) Any renovation project on an old house will cost twice as much and\n\t   take three times as long as originally estimated.\n\t2) Any plumbing pipes you choose to replace during renovation will prove\n\t   to be in excellent condition; those you decide to leave in place will\n\t   be rotten."
"Phelps's Law of Retributive Statistics:\n\tAn unexpectedly easy-to-handle sequence of events will be immediately\n\tfollowed by an equally long sequence of trouble."
"Theory of the International Society of Philosophic Engineering:\n\t 1) In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.\n\t 2) Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of most harm.\n\t 3) In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from\n\t    engineering handbooks) are to be treated as variables.\n\t 4) The best approximation of service conditions in the laboratory will\n\t    not begin to meet those conditions encountered in actual service.\n\t 5) The most vital dimension on any plan or drawing stands the greatest\n\t    chance of being omitted.\n\t 6) If only one bid can be secured on any project, the price will be\n\t    unreasonable.\n\t 7) If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent\n\t    production units will malfunction.\n\t 8) All delivery promises must be multiplied by a factor of 2.0.\n\t 9) Major changes in construction will always be requested after\n\t    fabrication is nearly completed.\n\t10) Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.\n\t11) Interchangeable parts won't.\n\t12) Manufacturer's specifications of performance should be multiplied by\n\t    a factor of 0.5.\n\t13) Salespeople's claims for performance should be multiplied by a\n\t    factor of 0.25.\n\t14) Installation and Operating Instructions shipped with the device will\n\t    be promptly discarded by the Receiving Department.\n\t15) Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.\n\t16) Service Conditions as given on specifications will be exceeded.\n\t17) If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one\n\t    will be at fault.\n\t18) Identical units which test in an identical fashion will not behave\n\t    in an identical fashion in the field.\n\t19) If, in engineering practice, a safety factor is set through service\n\t    experience at an ultimate value, an ingenious idiot will promptly\n\t    calculate a method to exceed said safety factor.\n\t20) Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice."
"Phone Booth Rule:\n\tA lone dime always gets the number nearly right."
"Pierson's Law:\n\tIf you're coasting, you're going downhill."
"Pike Law of Punditry:\n\tThe successful pundit is provided more opportunities to say things than\n\the has things worth saying."
"Plotnick's Law:\n\tThe time of departure will be delayed by the square of the number of\n\tpeople involved."
"Law of Political Erosion:\n\tOnce the erosion of power begins, it has a momentum all its own."
"Politicians' Rules:\n\t1) When the polls are in your favor, flaunt them.\n\t2) When the polls are overwhelmingly unfavorable, either (a) ridicule\n\t   and dismiss them or (b) stress the volatility of public opinion.\n\t3) When the polls are slightly unfavorable, play for sympathy as a\n\t   struggling underdog.\n\t4) When too close to call, be surprised at your own strength."
"The Pollyanna Paradox:\n\tEvery day, in every way, things get better and better; \n\tthen worse again in the evening."
"Potter's Law:\n\tThe amount of flak received on any subject is inversely proportional to\n\tthe subject's true value."
"Poulsen's Law:\n\tWhen anything is used to its full potential, it will break."
"Powell's Law:\n\tNever tell them what you wouldn't do."
"Law of Predictive Action:\n\tThe second most powerful phrase in the world is \"Watch this!\"  The most\n\tpowerful phrase is \"Oh yeah? Watch this!\""
"Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:\n\tIt's on the other side."
"Price's Law of Politics:\n\tIt's easier to be a liberal a long way from home."
"Price's Law of Science:\n\tScientists who dislike the restraints of highly organized research like\n\tto remark that a truly great research worker needs only three pieces of\n\tequipment -- a pencil, a piece of paper, and a brain.  But they quote\n\tthis maxim more often at academic banquets than at budget hearings."
"The Principle Concerning Multifunctional Devices:\n\tThe fewer functions any device is required to perform, the more\n\tperfectly it can perform those functions."
"Law of Probable Dispersal:\n\tWhatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.  (also known as\n\tthe How Come It All Landed On Me Law)"
"Laws of Procrastination:\n\t1) Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility for\n\t   its termination on someone else (the authority who imposed the\n\t   deadline).\n\t2) It reduces anxiety by reducing the expected quality of the project\n\t   from the best of all possible efforts to the best that can be\n\t   expected given the limited time.\n\t3) Status is gained in the eyes of others, and in one's own eyes,\n\t   because it is assumed that the importance of the work justifies the\n\t   stress.\n\t4) Avoidance of interruptions including the assignment of other duties\n\t   can be achieved, so that the obviously stressed worker can\n\t   concentrate on the single effort.\n\t5) Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there\n\t   is nothing important to do.\n\t6) It may eliminate the job if the need passes before the job can be\n\t   done."
"Productivity Equation:\n\tThe productivity, P, of a group of people is:\n\t\tP = N x T x (.55 - .00005 x N x (N - 1) )\n\twhere N is the number of people in the group and T is the number of\n\thours in a work period."
"Professional's Law:\n\tDoctors, dentists, and lawyers are only on time for appointments when\n\tyou're not."
"Proverbial Law:\n\tFor every proverb that so confidently asserts its little bit of wisdom,\n\tthere is usually an equal and opposite proverb that contradicts it."
"Public Relations Client Turnover Law:\n\tThe minute you sign a client is the minute you start to lose him."
"First Rule of Public Speaking:\n\tNice guys finish fast."
"Pudder's Law:\n\tAnything that begins well ends badly.  Anything that begins badly ends\n\tworse."
"Puritan's Law:\n\tEvil is live spelled backwards.\n   Corollary:\n\tIf it feels good, don't do it."
"Putney's Law:\n\tIf the people of a democracy are allowed to do so, they will vote away\n\tthe freedoms which are essential to that democracy."
"Putt's Law:\n\tTechnology is dominated by two types of people -- those who understand\n\twhat they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not\n\tunderstand."
"Q's Law:\n\tNo matter what stage of completion one reaches in a North Sea (oil)\n\tfield, the cost of the remainder of the project remains the same."
"Rakove's Laws of Politics:\n\t1) The amount of effort put into a campaign by a worker expands in\n\t   proportion to the personal benefits that he will derive from his\n\t   party's victory.\n\t2) The citizen is influenced by principle in direct proportion to his\n\t   distance from the political situation."
"Randolph's Cardinal Principle of Statecraft:\n\tNever needlessly disturb a thing at rest."
"Rangnekar's Modified Rules Concerning Decisions:\n\t1) If you must make a decision, delay it.\n\t2) If you can authorize someone else to avoid a decision, do so.\n\t3) If you can form a committee, have them avoid the decision.\n\t4) If you can otherwise avoid a decision, avoid it immediately."
"Rapoport's Rule of the Roller-Skate Key:\n\tCertain items which are crucial to a given activity will show up with\n\tuncommon regularity until the day when that activity is planned, at\n\twhich point the item in question will disappear from the face of the\n\tearth."
"Raskin's Zero Law:\n\tThe more zeros found in the price tag for a government program, the less\n\tCongressional scrutiny it will receive."
"Law of Raspberry Jam:\n\tThe wider any culture is spread, the thinner it gets."
"Rather's Rule:\n\tIn dealing with the press do yourself a favor.  Stick with one of three\n\tresponses: (a) I know and I can tell you, (b) I know and I can't tell\n\tyou, or (c) I don't know."
"Rayburn's Rule:\n\tIf you want to get along, go along."
"Fundamental Tenet of Reform:\n\tReforms come from below.  No man with four aces howls for a new deal."
"Law of Restaurant Acoustics:\n\tIn a restaurant with seats which are close to each other, one will\n\talways find the decibel level of the nearest conversation to be\n\tinversely proportional to the quality of the thought going into it."
"First Law of Revision:\n\tInformation necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the\n\tdesigner after -- and only after -- the plans are complete.  (Often\n\tcalled the \"Now they tell us!\" Law.)\n   Corollary:\n\tIn simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious\n\twrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way, so as to expedite\n\tsubsequent revision."
"Second Law of Revision:\n\tThe more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its\n\tinfluence will extend and the more plans will have to be redrawn."
"Third Law of Revision:\n\tIf, when completion of a design is imminent, field dimensions are\n\tfinally supplied as they actually are -- instead of as they were meant\n\tto be -- it is always easier to start all over.\n   Corollary:\n\tIt is usually impractical to worry beforehand about interferences -- if\n\tyou have none, someone will make one for you."
"Fourth Law of Revision:\n\tAfter painstaking and careful analysis of a sample, you are always told\n\tthat it is the wrong sample and doesn't apply to the problem."
"Richard's Complementary Rules of Ownership:\n\t1) If you keep anything long enough you can throw it away.\n\t2) If you throw anything away, you will need it as soon as it is no\n\t   longer accessible."
"Richman's Inevitables of Parenthood:\n\t1) Enough is never enough.\n\t2) The sun always rises in the baby's bedroom window.\n\t3) Birthday parties always end in tears.\n\t4) Whenever you decide to take the kids home, it is always five minutes\n\t   earlier that they break into fights, tears, or hysteria."
"Riddle's Constant:\n\tThere are coexisting elements in frustration phenomena which separate\n\texpected results from achieved results."
"Riesman's Law:\n\tAn inexorable upward movement leads administrators to higher salaries\n\tand narrower spans of control."
"Rigg's Hypothesis:\n\tIncompetence tends to increase with the level of work performed.  And,\n\tnaturally, the individual's staff needs will increase as his level of\n\tincompetence increases."
"Law of Road Construction:\n\tAfter large expenditures of federal, state, and county funds; after much\n\tconfusion generated by detours and road blocks; after greatly annoying\n\tthe surrounding population with noise, dust, and fumes -- the previously\n\texisting traffic jam is relocated by one-half mile."
"Robertson's Law:\n\tEverything happens at the same time with nothing in between."
"The Three Laws of Robotics:\n\t1) A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a\n\t   human being to come to harm.\n\t2) A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where\n\t   such orders would conflict with the First Law.\n\t3) A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection\n\t   does not conflict with the First or Second Laws."
"Rodovic's Rule:\n\tIn any organization, the potential is much greater for the subordinate\n\tto manage his superior than for the superior to manage his subordinate."
"Rodriguez's Observation:\n\tA consultant is someone who, when hired to find out what time it is,\n\tborrows your watch to find out.\n   Corollary (Martin):\n\tIf you hire a consultant to read your own watch to you, you got your\n\tmoney's worth."
"Roemer's Law:\n\tThe rate of hospital admissions responds to bed availability.  If we\n\tinsist on installing more beds, they will tend to get filled."
"Roger's Ratio:\n\tOne-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other\n\ttwo-thirds provide."
"Rosenbaum's Rule:\n\tThe easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a\n\treplacement."
"Rosenstock-Huessy's Law of Technology:\n\tAll technology expands the space, contracts the time, and destroys the\n\tworking group."
"(Al) Ross's Law:\n\tBare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from\n\tthe floor -- especially in the dark."
"(Charles) Ross's Law:\n\tNever characterize the importance of a statement in advance."
"Rudin's Law:\n\tIn a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of\n\taction, most people will choose the worse one possible."
"Runamok's Law:\n\tThere are four kinds of people: those who sit quietly and do nothing,\n\tthose who talk about sitting quietly and doing nothing, those who do\n\tthings, and those who talk about doing things."
"Runyon's Law:\n\tThe race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but\n\tthat's the way to bet."
"First Rule of Rural Mechanics:\n\tIf it works, don't fix it."
"Ryan's Law:\n\tMake three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself\n\tas an expert."
"Sadat's Reminder:\n\tThose who invented the law of supply and demand have no right to\n\tcomplain when this law works against their interest."
"Sam's Axioms:\n\t1) Any line, however short, is still too long.\n\t2) Work is the crabgrass of life, but money is the water that keeps it\n\t   green."
"Sattinger's Law:\n\tIt works better if you plug it in."
"Sattler's Law:\n\tThere are 32 points to the compass, meaning that there are 32 directions\n\tin which a spoon can squirt grapefruit; yet, the juice almost invariably\n\tflies straight into the human eye."
"Saunders's Discovery:\n\tLaziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten."
"Sayre's Third Law of Politics:\n\tAcademic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,\n\tbecause the stakes are so low."
"Schenk's First Principle of Industrial Market Economics:\n\tGood salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry."
"Schickel's TV Theorems:\n\t1) Any dramatic series the producers want us to take seriously as a\n\t   representation of contemporary reality cannot be taken seriously as a\n\t   representation of anything -- except a show to be ignored by anyone\n\t   capable of sitting upright in a chair and chewing gum simultaneously.\n\t2) The only programs a grown-up can possibly stand are those intended\n\t   for children.  Or, more properly, those that cater to those\n\t   pre-adolescent fantasies that most have never abandoned."
"Schmidt's Law:\n\tNever eat prunes when you're hungry."
"Schmidt's Law (probably a different Schmidt):\n\tIf you mess with something long enough, it'll break."
"Schuckit's Law:\n\tAll interference in human conduct has the potential for causing harm, no\n\tmatter how innocuous the procedure may be."
"Schultze's Law:\n\tIf you can't measure output, then you measure input."
"Schumpeter's Observation of Scientific and Nonscientific Theories:\n\tAny theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate\n\tadditional assumptions."
"Old Scottish Prayer:\n\tO Lord, grant that we may always be right, for Thou knowest we will\n\tnever change our minds."
"Scott's First Law:\n\tNo matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right."
"Scott's Second Law:\n\tWhen an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have\n\tbeen correct in the first place.\n   Corollary:\n\tAfter the correction has been found in error, it will be impossible to\n\tfit the original quantity back into the equation."
"Screwdriver Syndrome:\n\tSometimes, where a complex problem can be illuminated by many tools, one\n\tcan be forgiven for applying the one he knows best."
"Segal's Law:\n\tA man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is\n\tnever sure."
"Law of Selective Gravity (the Buttered Side Down Law):\n\tAn object will fall so as to do the most damage.\n   Corollary (Klipstein):\n\tThe most delicate component will be the one to drop."
"Law of the Perversity of Nature (Mrs. Murphy's Corollary):\n\tYou cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to\n\tbutter.\n   Corollary (Jenning):\n\tThe chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly\n\tproportional to the cost of the carpet."
"Sells's Law:\n\tThe first sample is always the best."
"Laws of Serendipity:\n\t1) In order to discover anything you must be looking for something.\n\t2) If you wish to make an improved product, you must already be engaged\n\t   in making an inferior one."
"Sevareid's Law:\n\tThe chief cause of problems is solutions."
"Shaffer's Law:\n\tThe effectiveness of a politician varies in inverse proportion to his\n\tcommitment to principle."
"Shalit's Law:\n\tThe intensity of movie publicity is in inverse ratio to the quality of\n\tthe movie."
"Shanahan's Law:\n\tThe length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people\n\tpresent."
"Sharkey's Fourth Law of Motion:\n\tPassengers on elevators constantly rearrange their positions as people\n\tget on and off so there is at all times an equal distance between all\n\tbodies."
"Shaw's Principle:\n\tBuild a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to\n\tuse it."
"Shelton's Laws of Pocket Calculators:\n\t1) Rechargeable batteries die at the most critical time of the most\n\t   complex problem.\n\t2) When a rechargeable battery starts to die in the middle of a complex\n\t   calculation, and the user attempts to connect house current, the\n\t   calculator will clear itself.\n\t3) The final answer will exceed the magnitude or precision or both of\n\t   the calculator.\n\t4) There are not enough storage registers to solve the problem.\n\t5) The user will forget mathematics in proportion to the complexity of\n\t   the calculator.\n\t6) Thermal paper will run out before the calculation is complete."
"Short's Quotations:\n\t 1) Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a\n\t    cliche.  A cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea.  For\n\t    instance, my grandmother used to say, \"The black cat is always the\n\t    last one off the fence.\"  I have no idea what she meant, but at one\n\t    time it was undoubtedly true.\n\t 2) Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.\n\t 3) Malpractice makes malperfect.\n\t 4) Neurosis is a communicable disease.\n\t 5) The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.\n\t 6) Nature abhors a hero.  For one thing, he violates the law of\n\t    conservation of energy.  For another, how can it be the survival of\n\t    the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations\n\t    where he is most likely to be creamed?\n\t 7) A little ignorance can go a long way.\n\t 8) Learn to be sincere.  Even if you have to fake it.\n\t 9) There is no such thing as an absolute truth -- that is absolutely\n\t    true.\n\t10) Understanding the laws of nature does not mean we are free from\n\t    obeying them.\n\t11) Entropy has us outnumbered.\n\t12) The human race never solves any of its problems -- it only outlives\n\t    them.\n\t13) Hell hath no fury like a pacifist."
"Mother Sigafoos's Observation:\n\tA man should be greater than some of his parts."
"Simmon's Law:\n\tThe desire for racial integration increases with the square of the\n\tdistance from the actual event."
"Simon's Law:\n\tEverything put together sooner or later falls apart."
"Sinner's Law of Retaliation:\n\tDo whatever your enemies don't want you to do."
"Skinner's Constant (Flannegan's Finagling Factor):\n\tThat quantity which, when multiplied by, divided into, added to, or\n\tsubtracted from the answer you got, gives you the answer you should have\n\tgotten."
"Skole's Rule for Antique Dealers:\n\tNever simply say, \"Sorry, we don't have what you're looking for.\"\n\tAlways say, \"Too bad, I just sold one the other day.\""
"Law of Slide Presentation:\n\tIn any slide presentation, at least one slide will be upside down or\n\tbackwards, or both."
"Smith's Principles of Bureaucratic Tinkertoys:\n\t1) Never use one word when a dozen will suffice.\n\t2) If it can be understood, it's not finished yet.\n\t3) Never be the first to do anything."
"Snafu Equations:\n\t1) Given any problem containing n equations, there will be n+1 unknowns.\n\t2) An object or bit of information most needed, will be least available.\n\t3) In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and\n\t   fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible\n\t   to everyone else.\n\t4) Badness comes in waves."
"First Law of Socio-Economics:\n\tIn a hierarchical system, the rate of pay for a given task increases in\n\tinverse ratio to the unpleasantness and difficulty of the task."
"First Law of Socio-Genetics:\n\tCelibacy is not hereditary."
"Woods's Refutation of the First Law of Socio-Genetics:\n\tOn the contrary, if you never procreate, neither will your kids."
"Sociology's Iron Law of Oligarchy:\n\tIn every organized activity, no matter the sphere, a small number will\n\tbecome the oligarchical leaders and the others will follow."
"Sodd's First Law:\n\tWhen a person attempts a task, he or she will be thwarted in that task\n\tby the unconscious intervention of some other presence (animate or\n\tinanimate).  Nevertheless, some tasks are completed, since the\n\tintervening presence is itself attempting a task and is, of course,\n\tsubject to interference."
"Sodd's Second Law:\n\tSooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to\n\toccur.\n   Corollary:\n\tAny system must be designed to withstand the worst possible set of\n\tcircumstances."
"Sodd's Other Law:\n\tThe degree of failure is in direct proportion to the effort expended and\n\tto the need for success."
"Grandma Soderquist's Conclusion:\n\tA chicken doesn't stop scratching just because the worms are scarce."
"Spare Parts Principle:\n\tThe accessibility, during recovery of small parts which fall from the\n\twork bench, varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with\n\tits importance to the completion of the work underway."
"Spark's Ten Rules for the Project Manager:\n\t 1) Strive to look tremendously important.\n\t 2) Attempt to be seen with important people.\n\t 3) Speak with authority; however, only expound on the obvious and\n\t    proven facts.\n\t 4) Don't engage in arguments, but if cornered, ask an irrelevant\n\t    question and lean back with a satisfied grin while your opponent\n\t    tries to figure out what's going on -- then quickly change the\n\t    subject.\n\t 5) Listen intently while others are arguing the problem.  Pounce on a\n\t    trite statement and bury them with it.\n\t 6) If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question, look at him as if he\n\t    had lost his senses.  When he looks down, paraphrase the question\n\t    back at him.\n\t 7) Obtain a brilliant assignment, but keep out of sight and out of the\n\t    limelight.\n\t 8) Walk at a fast pace when out of the office -- this keeps questions\n\t    from subordinates and superiors at a minimum.\n\t 9) Always keep the office door closed.  This puts visitors on the\n\t    defensive and also makes it look as if you are always in an\n\t    important conference.\n\t10) Give all orders verbally.  Never write anything down that might go\n\t    into a \"Pearl Harbor File.\""
"Specht's Meta-Law:\n\tUnder any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some\n\tordinance under which you can be booked."
"Sprinkle's Law:\n\tThings always fall at right angles."
"Stamp's Statistical Probability:\n\tThe government is extremely fond of amassing great quantities of\n\tstatistics.  These are raised to the nth degree, the cube roots are\n\textracted, and the results are arranged into elaborate and impressive\n\tdisplays.  What must be kept ever in mind, however, is that in every\n\tcase, the figures are first put down by a village watchman, and he puts\n\tdown anything he damn well pleases."
"Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy:\n\tEveryone should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another\n\tdrink."
"Steinbeck's Law:\n\tWhen you need towns, they are very far apart."
"Stephens's Soliloquy:\n\tFinality is death.  Perfection is finality.  Nothing is perfect.  There\n\tare lumps in it."
"Stockbroker's Declaration:\n\tThe market will rally from this or lower levels."
"Stock Market Axiom:\n\tThe public is always wrong."
"Stock's Observation:\n\tYou no sooner get your head above water than someone pulls your flippers\n\toff."
"Stockmayer's Theorem:\n\tIf it looks easy, it's tough.  If it looks tough, it's damn well\n\timpossible."
"Sturgeon's Law:\n\tNinety percent of EVERYTHING is crud."
"Suhor's Law:\n\tA little ambiguity never hurt anyone."
"Law of Superiority:\n\tThe first example of superior principle is always inferior to the\n\tdeveloped example of inferior principle."
"Law of Superstition:\n\tIt's bad luck to be superstititious."
"Survival Formula for Public Office:\n\t1) Exploit the inevitable (which means, take credit for anything good\n\t   which happens whether you had anything to do with it or not).\n\t2) Don't disturb the perimeter (meaning don't stir up a mess unless you\n\t   can be sure of the result).\n\t3) Stay in with the Outs (the Ins will make so many mistakes, you can't\n\t   afford to alienate the Outs).\n\t4) Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost."
"Sutton's Law:\n\tGo where the money is."
"Swipple's Rule of Order:\n\tHe who shouts loudest has the floor."
"Taxi Principle:\n\tFind out the cost before you get in."
"Terman's Law:\n\tThere is no direct relationship between the quality of an educational\n\tprogram and its cost."
"Terman's Law of Innovation:\n\tIf you want a track team to win the high jump you find one person who\n\tcan jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot."
"Fourth Law of Thermodynamics:\n\tIf the probability of success is not almost one, then it is damn near\n\tzero."
"Thinking Man's Tautology:\n\tIf you think you're wrong, you're wrong.\n   Corollary:\n\tIf you think you're wrong, you're right."
"Thoreau's Law:\n\tIf you see a man approaching with the obvious intent of doing you good,\n\trun for your life."
"Thoreau's Rule:\n\tAny fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it."
"Thurber's Conclusion:\n\tThere is no safety in numbers, or in anything else."
"Thwartz's Theorem of Low Profile:\n\tNegative expectation thwarts realization, and self-congratulation\n\tguarantees disaster.  (Or, simply put: If you think of it, it won't\n\thappen quite that way.)"
"Tipper's Law:\n\tThose who expect the biggest tips provide the worst service."
"Titanic Coincidence:\n\tMost accidents in well-designed systems involve two or more events of\n\tlow probability occurring in the worst possible combination."
"Torquemada's Law:\n\tWhen you are sure you're right, you have a moral duty to impose your\n\twill upon anyone who disagrees with you."
"Transcription Square Law:\n\tThe number of errors made is equal to the sum of the squares employed."
"Travel Axiom:\n\tHe travels fastest who travels alone . . . but he hasn't anything to do\n\twhen he gets there."
"First Law of Travel:\n\tNo matter how many rooms there are in the motel, the fellow who starts\n\tup his car at five o'clock in the morning is always parked under your\n\twindow."
"Trischmann's Paradox (Axiom of the Pipe):\n\tA pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in\n\this mouth."
"Law of Triviality:\n\tThe time spent on any item of the agenda will be in inverse proportion\n\tto the sum involved."
"Troutman's Laws of Computer Programming (and see Peck's Programming Postulates):\n\t 1) Any running program is obsolete.\n\t 2) Any planned program costs more and takes longer.\n\t 3) Any useful program will have to be changed.\n\t 4) Any useless program will have to be documented.\n\t 5) The size of a program expands to fill all available memory.\n\t 6) The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of\n\t    its output.\n\t 7) The complexity of a program grows until it exceeds the capability of\n\t    its maintainers.\n\t 8) Any system that relies on computer reliability is unreliable.\n\t 9) Any system that relies on human reliability is unreliable.\n\t10) Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and\n\t    you will find that programmers cannot write in English.\n\t11) Profanity is the one language all programmers know best."
"Truman's Law:\n\tIf you cannot convince them, confuse them."
"Tuccille's First Law of Reality:\n\tIndustry always moves in to fill an economic vacuum."
"Turnauckas's Observation:\n\tTo err is human; to really foul things up takes a computer."
"Turner's Law:\n\tNearly all prophecies made in public are wrong."
"Twain's Rule:\n\tOnly kings, editors, and people with tapeworm have the right to use the\n\teditorial \"we\"."
"Tylk's Law:\n\tAssumption is the mother of all foul-ups."
"Ubell's Law of Press Luncheons:\n\tAt any public relations luncheon, the quality of the food is inversely\n\trelated to the quality of the information."
"Uhlmann's Razor:\n\tWhen stupidity is a sufficient explanation, there is no need to have\n\trecourse to any other.\n   Corollary (Law of Historical Causation):\n\t\"It seemed like the thing to do at the time.\""
"The Ultimate Principle:\n\tBy definition, when you are investigating the unknown, you do not know\n\twhat you will find."
"Umbrella Law:\n\tYou will need three umbrellas: one to leave at the office, one to leave\n\tat home, and one to leave on the train."
"Universal Field Theory of Perversity (Mule's Law):\n\tThe probability of an event's occurring varies directly with the\n\tperversity of the inanimate object involved and inversely with the\n\tproduct of its desirability and the effort expended to produce it."
"Unnamed Law:\n\tIf it happens, it must be possible."
"The Unspeakable Law:\n\tAs soon as you mention something, if it's good, it goes away; if it's\n\tbad, it happens."
"Vail's Axiom:\n\tIn any human enterprise, work seeks the lowest hierarchical level."
"Vance's Rule of 2 1/2:\n\tAny military project will take twice as long as planned, cost twice as\n\tmuch, and produce only half of what is wanted."
"Lucy Van Pelt's Observation:\n\tThere must be one day above all others in each life that is the\n\thappiest.\n   Corollary:\n\tWhat if you've already had it?"
"Vique's Law:\n\tA man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle."
"Von Braun's Law of Gravity:\n\tWe can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming."
"Vonnegut's Corollary:\n\tBeauty may be only skin deep, but ugliness goes right to the core."
"Waddell's Law of Equipment Failure:\n\tA component's degree of reliability is directly proportional to its ease\n\tof accessibility (i.e., the harder it is to get to, the more often it\n\tbreaks down)."
"Waffle's Law:\n\tA professor's enthusiasm for teaching the introductory course varies\n\tinversely with the likelihood of his having to do it."
"Wain's Conclusion:\n\tThe only people making money these days are the ones who sell computer\n\tpaper."
"Waldo's Observation:\n\tOne man's red tape is another man's system."
"Walinsky's Law:\n\tThe intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the\n\tnumber of participants."
"Walinsky's First Law of Political Campaigns:\n\tIf there are twelve clowns in a ring, you can jump in the middle and\n\tstart reciting Shakespeare, but to the audience, you'll just be the\n\tthirteenth clown."
"Walker's Law:\n\tAssociate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve.  Run\n\twith decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened.\n\tKeep the company of bums and you will become a bum.  Hang around with\n\trich people and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke."
"Wallace's Observation:\n\tEverything is in a state of utter dishevelment."
"Walters's Law of Management:\n\tIf you're already in a hole, there's no use to continue digging."
"Washington's Law:\n\tSpace expands to house the people to perform the work that Congress\n\tcreates."
"Watson's Law:\n\tThe reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and\n\tsignificance of any persons watching it."
"Rule of the Way Out:\n\tAlways leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out."
"Weaver's Law:\n\tWhen several reporters share a cab on an assignment, the reporter in the\n\tfront seat pays for all.\n   Corollary (O'Doyle):\n\tNo matter how many reporters share a cab, and no matter who pays, each\n\tputs the full fare on his own expense account.\n   Corollary (Germond):\n\tWhen a group of newsmen go out to dinner together, the bill is to be\n\tdivided evenly among them, regardless of what each one eats and drinks."
"Weber-Fechner Law:\n\tThe least change in stimulus necessary to produce a perceptible change\n\tin response is proportional to the stimulus already existing."
"Weidner's Queries:\n\t1) The tide comes in and the tide goes out, and what have you got?\n\t2) They say an elephant never forgets, but what's he got to remember?"
"Weiler's Law:\n\tNothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself."
"Weinberg's Law:\n\tIf builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the\n\tfirst woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.\n   Corollary:\n\tAn expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to\n\tthe grand fallacy."
"Weisman's Law of Examinations:\n\tIf you're confident after you've just finished an exam, it's because you\n\tdon't know enough to know better."
"Wells's Law:\n\tA parade should have bands OR horses, not both."
"Westheimer's Rule:\n\tTo estimate the time it takes to do a task: estimate the time you think\n\tit should take, multiply by 2, and change the unit of measure to the\n\tnext highest unit.  Thus we allocate 2 days for a one hour task."
"Whispered Rule:\n\tPeople will believe anything if you whisper it."
"White Flag Principle:\n\tA military disaster may produce a better postwar situation than victory."
"White's Chappaquiddick Theorem:\n\tThe sooner and in more detail you announce bad news, the better."
"White's Observations of Committee Operation:\n\t1) People very rarely think in groups; they talk together, they exchange\n\t   information, they adjudicate, they make compromises.  But they do not\n\t   think; they do not create.\n\t2) A really new idea affronts current agreement.\n\t3) A meeting cannot be productive unless certain premises are so shared\n\t   that they do not need to be discussed, and the argument can be\n\t   confined to areas of disagreement.  But while this kind of consensus\n\t   makes a group more effective in its legitimate functions, it does not\n\t   make the group a creative vehicle -- it would not be a new idea if it\n\t   didn't -- and the group, impelled as it is to agree, is instinctively\n\t   hostile to that which is divisive."
"White's Statement:\n\tDon't lose heart . . .\n   Owen's Comment on White's Statement:\n\t. . . they might want to cut it out . . .\n   Byrd's Addition to Owen's Comment on White's Statement:\n\t. . . and they want to avoid a lengthy search."
"Whole Picture Principle:\n\tResearch scientists are so wrapped up in their own narrow endeavors that\n\tthey cannot possibly see the whole picture of anything, including their\n\town research.\n   Corollary:\n\tThe Director of Research should know as little as possible about the\n\tspecific subject of research he is administering."
"Wicker's Law:\n\tGovernment expands to absorb revenue, and then some."
"Wilcox's Law:\n\tA pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants."
"Williams and Holland's Law:\n\tIf enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical\n\tmethods."
"Will's Rule of Informed Citizenship:\n\tIf you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the\n\tConstitution.  (It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's\n\tstatecraft.)  Instead read selected portions of the Washington telephone\n\tdirectory containing listings for all the organizations with titles\n\tbeginning with the word \"National\".\n\t\nFlip Wilson's Law:\n\tYou can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickles in\n\tthe machine."
"Wilson's Law of Demographics:\n\tThe public is not made up of people who get their names in the\n\tnewspapers."
"Wingo's Axiom:\n\tAll Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing\n\twithout thinking."
"First Law of Wing-Walking:\n\tNever leave hold of what you've got until you've got hold of something\n\telse."
"Wober's SNIDE Rule (Satisfied Needs Incite Demand Excesses):\n\tIdeal goals grow faster than the means of attaining new goals allow."
"Wolf's Law (An Optimistic View of a Pessimistic World):\n\tIt isn't that things will necessarily go wrong (Murphy's Law), but\n\trather that they will take so much more time and effort than you think\n\tif they are not to go wrong."
"Wolf's Law of Decision-Making:\n\tMajor actions are rarely decided by more than four people.  If you think\n\ta larger meeting you're attending is really \"hammering out\" a decision,\n\tyou're probably wrong.  Either the decision was agreed to by a smaller\n\tgroup before the meeting began, or the outcome of the larger meeting\n\twill be modified later when three or four people get together."
"Wolf's Law of History Lessons:\n\tThose who don't study the past will repeat its errors.  Those who do\n\tstudy it will find OTHER ways to err."
"Wolf's Law of Management:\n\tThe tasks to do immediately are the minor ones; otherwise, you'll forget\n\tthem.  The major ones are often better to defer.  They usually need more\n\ttime for reflection.  Besides, if you forget them, they'll remind you."
"Wolf's Law of Meetings:\n\tThe only important result of a meeting is agreement about next steps."
"Wolf's Law of Planning:\n\tA good place to start from is where you are."
"Wolf's Law of Tactics:\n\tIf you can't beat them, have them join you."
"Woman's Equation:\n\tWhatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half\n\tas good.  Luckily, this is not difficult."
"Wood's Law:\n\tthe more unworkable the urban plan, the greater the probability of\n\timplementation."
"Woods's Incomplete Maxims:\n\t1) All's well that ends.\n\t2) A penny saved is a penny.\n\t3) Don't leave things unfinishe"
"Woods's Laws of Procrastination:\n\t1) Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.\n\t2) Procrastinate today!  (Tomorrow may be too late.)\n\t3) NOW is the time to do things later!\n\t4) If at first you don't succeed, why try again?"
"Woodward's Law:\n\tA theory is better than an explanation."
"Worker's Dilemma Law (Management's Put-Down Law):\n\t1) No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.\n\t2) What you don't do is always more important than what you do do."
"Wynne's Law:\n\tNegative slack tends to increase."
"Wyszkowski's Theorem:\n\tRegardless of the units used by either the supplier or the customer, the\n\tmanufacturer shall use his own arbitrary units convertible to those of\n\teither the supplier or the customer only by means of weird and unnatural\n\tconversion factors."
"Wyszowski's First Law:\n\tNo experiment is reproducible."
"Wyszkowski's Second Law:\n\tAnything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough."
"Yapp's Basic Fact:\n\tIf a thing cannot be fitted into something smaller than itself, some\n\tdope will do it."
"Yolen's Guide for Self-Praise:\n\tProclaim yourself \"World Champ\" of something -- tiddly-winks, rope-\n\tjumping, whatever -- send this notice to newspapers, radio, TV, and wait\n\tfor challengers to confront you.  Avoid challenges as long as possible,\n\tbut continue to send news of your achievements to all media.  Also,\n\tdevelop a newsletter and letterhead for communications."
"Young's Handy Guide to the Modern Sciences:\n\tIf it is green or it wiggles -- it is Biology.\n\tIf it stinks -- it is Chemistry.\n\tIf it doesn't work -- it is Physics."
"Young's Law:\n\tAll great discoveries are made by mistake.\n   Corollary:\n\tThe greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake."
"Zellar's Law:\n\tEvery newspaper, no matter how tight the news hole, has room for a story\n\ton another newspaper increasing its newsstand price."
"Zimmerman's Law:\n\tRegardless of whether a mission expands or contracts, administrative\n\toverhead continues to grow at a steady rate."
"Zimmerman's Law of Complaints:\n\tNobody notices when things go right."
"Zusmann's Rule:\n\tA successful symposium depends on the ratio of meeting to eating."
"Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving System Dynamics:\n\tOnce you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a\n\tlarger can.  (Old worms never die, they just worm their way into larger\n\tcans.)"
"Zymurgy's Law on the Availability of Volunteer Labor:\n\tPeople are always available for work in the past tense."
"Zymurgy's Seventh Exception to Murphy's Laws:\n\tWhen it rains, it pours."